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墨書 Inktalez
Lin Xu stood at the classroom door, her fingers tightly gripping the strap of her backpack, knuckles turning pale from the pressure. Ye Feng's words echoed in her ears: "Let's work hard together." That simple phrase had given her immense courage, but as she caught sight of He Miao flashing a knowing smile at her, that courage quietly dissipated, like dandelion seeds blown away by the wind, vanishing without a trace.
"Xu Xu, come sit over here!" He Miao waved enthusiastically, patting the empty seat beside her. Her voice was sweet to the point of being cloying. "Let's be desk mates!"
Lin Xu froze in place, her feet feeling as heavy as lead. He Miao's sudden enthusiasm was jarring, a stark contrast to the girl she remembered who always mocked her. It was as if a different soul had taken over. Hesitantly, she walked over, each step feeling like she was walking on cotton—light and insubstantial. She carefully sat down, her body tense like a startled deer.
"Oh my gosh, I never expected to be desk mates with you!" He Miao leaned closer to Lin Xu, almost pressing against her. A strong scent of perfume overwhelmed Lin Xu, making her wrinkle her nose. He Miao lowered her voice conspiratorially. "Did you know? Ye Feng was quite the star in middle school! Back then, he had a whole crowd of girls around him. Now that we're in high school, he's even more handsome and his grades are amazing—he's practically a god!"
Lin Xu's fingers unconsciously twisted together, nails digging into her palms without her feeling any pain. She knew all too well; she had always known. "He's even more handsome now, right?" He Miao continued, her eyes sparkling like the brightest stars in the night sky, filled with longing and admiration. "But you know, a top student like him would never look at someone like us who are just here on a transfer. We should have some self-awareness."
Those words pierced Lin Xu's heart like a needle, leaving her gasping for breath. She fought back discomfort and lowered her head to flip through her textbook, pretending to read but absorbing not a single word. The dense text felt like ants crawling across the pages, stirring up frustration within her.
"Xu Xu, why aren't you talking?" He Miao nudged her with her elbow, testing the waters. "You don't have a crush on Ye Feng too, do you? I should warn you—he's not easy to pursue; don't go making things hard for yourself."
Lin Xu shot up her head abruptly, cheeks burning as if set aflame. She vehemently denied it: "I don’t!" Her voice came out sharp and strained, echoing awkwardly in the classroom.
"Really?" He Miao smiled knowingly, a subtle curve at the corners of her mouth. "That's good to hear because you know your own strengths... People like us shouldn't harbor such unrealistic dreams."
Lin Xu bit down on her lip so hard that she nearly drew blood. He Miao's words felt like knives slicing through her self-esteem, leaving her in agony.
The bell rang for class just then—a lifeline thrown to Lin Xu. The teacher entered and began lecturing on new material. Lin Xu forced herself to concentrate, but the physics formulas danced before her eyes like an alien script; each symbol loomed like a monstrous creature ready to pounce, filling her with dread and helplessness.
"Who can solve this problem?" The teacher's voice broke through her thoughts and echoed in the classroom. "Ye Feng, you go ahead."
Ye Feng stood up and answered the question calmly and methodically. His voice was clear and organized, flowing like a mountain stream; every syllable was music to Lin Xu's ears. Each step of his derivation was flawless—like an artisan crafting a perfect piece of art. Watching his back filled Lin Xu with envy and sorrow—a whirlwind of emotions.
"Did you see that?" He Miao leaned closer again, whispering like a buzzing mosquito. "That's the gap between us—the difference between Ye Feng and us is like clouds in the sky versus mud on the ground; we'll never intersect."
Lin Xu lowered her head as tears welled up in her eyes. She knew what He Miao said was true; it was a harsh reality that cut deep into her heart like a sharp knife, leaving her breathless.
In the days that followed, Lin Xu drifted through life like a soulless puppet. She forced herself to attend classes and study each day while feeling as though she were staring into still waters—no ripples of emotion stirred within.
In physics class, every formula seemed incomprehensible; during chemistry experiments, she clumsily spilled reagents or messed up steps; in biology class, complex diagrams of cell structures left her dizzy. She felt like a joke—a complete failure.
"What’s wrong with you? You keep zoning out in class!"
"You can't even solve such an easy problem? How did you get in here?"
"With your skills? Dream on about going to college!"
The teacher's criticisms pierced through her heart like swords time after time. The strange looks from classmates and their whispered comments felt like daggers slowly torturing her.
She began to doubt herself—wondering if choosing to transfer had been a mistake all along. She felt like a clown trying to fit into a circle that didn’t belong to her and ended up battered and bruised.
"Am I really that useless?"
“Will I never be able to catch up to Ye Feng?”
“Should I have never come here at all?”
These questions haunted her like a curse, tormenting her day and night, leaving her restless. She became increasingly silent, more self-deprecating, and more withdrawn.
The Midterm Exam arrived faster than she had anticipated. When the report card was handed out, Lin Xu's hands trembled, her fingertips cold. Physics: 59, Chemistry: 62, Biology: 65... Her vision blurred as tears welled up in her eyes, each drop like a pearl slipping from a broken string, rolling down the report card and leaving patches of water stains.
“Oh come on, it’s just one exam,” He Miao scoffed at her expression, her tone dripping with disdain and mockery. “Is it really that serious? Can you not be so down? If others didn’t know better, they’d think you scored zero!”
“What do you know?” Lin Xu suddenly looked up, tears streaming down her face like a flood breaking through a dam. She could no longer control her emotions and shouted at He Miao, “Do you know how late I study every night? Do you know how hard I work? Do you know how much I sacrificed for this exam?”
“Hard work?” He Miao sneered, a mocking smile curling at the corners of her mouth. “A transfer student is just a transfer student; no amount of effort can change that fact. Some people are just not cut out for studying; struggling is pointless.”
Those words ignited Lin Xu's fury completely. She roared at He Miao like an angry lioness, “Who are you to say that? Just because I’m a transfer student, I deserve to be looked down upon? Just because my grades aren’t as good as yours, I’m inferior?”
“Am I wrong?” He Miao stood up, looking down at her like a proud queen surveying her subjects. “Look at your grades and then look at Ye Feng’s. He’s first in the grade while you... can barely pass. Don’t you find that laughable?”
Lin Xu shot up from her seat, the chair screeching loudly as it scraped against the floor like a knife cutting through the silence. Everyone in the classroom turned to look at them, their gazes filled with surprise, confusion, sympathy, and even schadenfreude.
“Do you think you’re so great?” Lin Xu's voice trembled, each word squeezed out through gritted teeth. “Do you think you’re so much better than me? At least I...”
“At least what?” He Miao interrupted, pressing on relentlessly. “At least you paid for a spot as a transfer student? At least you know you’re a transfer student and have some self-awareness?”
Those words struck Lin Xu like a heavy blow, shattering her last defense. She turned and bolted out of the classroom, tears blurring her vision. She heard someone calling her name from behind but didn’t dare look back; she just kept running and running until she reached a corner of the playground where she finally stopped. She crouched down, burying her face in her knees and crying silently, her body trembling slightly like leaves shivering in the autumn wind.
“Am I really that terrible?” she asked herself, her voice choked with despair. “Will I really never be able to catch up to Ye Feng?”
In the distance, the bell rang signaling the end of class, but Lin Xu remained motionless.
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