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墨書 Inktalez
"I believe I just heard a song..." he suddenly said.
"Oh, did I disturb you? I'm so sorry. I thought this place was secluded enough not to bother anyone..." Upon hearing this, I couldn't help but feel embarrassed.
I was merely humming softly... Was I too lost in the moment to notice the volume? How terrible!
"No, it's fine. I was just curious and followed the sound, after all, it was a melody I had never heard before..." Lan Xichen looked up at the moon and said leisurely, "A few days ago, I heard Wangji mention you. Is that a song from your hometown?"
"…My master used to be a wandering bard, accustomed to composing songs about the sights and experiences from his travels. I was just following along and humming," I recounted the explanation I had given to A Qing.
"Ah, so it was composed by your master?" He showed a hint of surprise. "Then what story does that song tell?"
I was momentarily taken aback, almost thinking I heard A Qing's inquiry.
"That song...," forcing myself to blink back to reality, I recalled what I had just sung. "I remember it was about missing someone far away."
"So, Ms. Wei is feeling homesick?" Lan Xichen smiled warmly at me.
"No," I shook my head with a light laugh. "It was purely an expression of emotion, just singing casually."
"Is something wrong?" he asked softly.
"Um... actually, it's nothing much." Feeling a bit shy, I scratched my head and sighed softly, "I just suddenly feel that interacting with people is much more difficult than I imagined."
After all, the experiences of these past few days have truly challenged my social anxiety.
"Well, to be honest, I feel the same way. Interacting with others is indeed not easy," Lan Xichen's eyes suddenly reflected a hint of gentle sorrow. "Once, I thought that as long as I treated others sincerely, I would receive the same genuine response in return; however..."
He paused at the end of his sentence, remaining silent for a long while. I quietly stole a glance at him.
"Is something wrong?" I gently coaxed. "If you need someone to talk to, I may not have much advice to offer, but I'm here to listen."
I understood that some things are difficult to express in front of familiar faces, yet can flow freely when speaking to a stranger.
Moreover, voicing certain worries can lighten the burden, akin to clearing away clouds to reveal the sun, which is far better than keeping everything bottled up inside.
I watched as Lan Xichen struggled with his thoughts for a moment before offering me a bittersweet smile.
"Then, let’s pretend you’re an older person venting," he said, tilting his head back to gaze at the bright moon. He began slowly, "Once, I had a sworn brother..."
And so, Lan Xichen gradually recounted his past with Jin Guangyao.
It was well-known that it was a long story.
I listened intently; after all, hearing it from the person involved offered a different perspective compared to what was described in the original novel. The contrast and my own imagination made it quite intriguing.
"...In the past, I thought I understood him well, but later I realized I didn’t. Then I thought I had come to understand him again, but..." Lan Xichen sighed heavily. "Even now, I still can't comprehend why he did what he did..."
So even until today, he still couldn't get over that hurdle in his heart? I couldn't help but think.
All along, Lan Xichen had given Jin Guangyao his complete trust, and Jin Guangyao was the only one with whom he could share everything.
Now, however, he had lost such a confidant in this awkward situation and likely found it difficult to discuss anything about Jin Guangyao with anyone else. As a result, all his words remained locked away in his heart. It was no wonder Lan Xichen felt so depressed.
He truly found it difficult and could only confide in someone as unrelated as me.
"Uncle and Wangji told me to let this matter go, to stop dwelling on it, and not to worry about right or wrong, because it’s already over. No matter how much I regret or lament, nothing can be changed; clinging to it serves no purpose," Lan Xichen said, his lips pressed together in a bitter line. "But…"
How could one simply forget such things? How could one not care?
I slowly lifted my gaze to the slanted moon.
"…Do you feel guilty?" I asked softly.
Lan Xichen looked up at the same moon, as if the one he was conversing with was actually the moon itself.
"I don’t even have the chance or the right to feel guilty…" His expression was sorrowful as he turned his gaze toward me. "What do you think, Ms. Wei? In your opinion, was my decision at that time right or wrong?"
I looked at him delicately. "I’m sorry, but I’m not involved in this matter. I haven’t seen the whole picture and don’t have the standing to discuss right or wrong."
To be honest, I am neither a spiritual guide nor do I possess the ability to counsel others. I can listen to stories, but if I were to rashly offer my opinions, it would be rather presumptuous.
However, isn’t it a bit too self-righteous to be consumed by guilt over a single fatal mistake while completely dismissing Jin Guangyao's previous deceptions and misdeeds?
"No, I should be the one apologizing," Lan Xichen said with a bitter smile and shook his head. "It is indeed unreasonable for me to impose my one-sided view on you to determine right or wrong."
"…I believe not everything can be simply categorized as black or white. If we look at the bigger picture, we might find that there isn’t really a clear distinction of who is right and who is wrong," I offered in an attempt to comfort him. "After all, everyone just made the decisions they could at that moment."
"…Is that so?" Xu Ran sighed, a hint of disappointment lingering in his voice.
A moment of silence hung between us, making me feel a bit awkward and unsure of what to do, so I could only blankly gaze at the moon in the sky.
“...Everyone just made the decisions they could at that moment... right?” Lan Xichen murmured to himself, “Then, according to Ms. Wei, why did A Yao choose to push me away at the last moment if he originally intended for us to perish together?”
Hearing this, I blinked.
“Then, forgive my boldness, but could it be that the notion of ‘perishing together’ is merely your personal preconception, Lord Ze Wu? Perhaps Lian Fang Zun never had such intentions at all?”
Lan Xichen looked at me with mild surprise and confusion. “What do you mean?”
“Well...” I took a moment to organize my thoughts and spoke confidently, “After all, as you just mentioned, Lian Fang Zun once said he never intended to harm you. So perhaps your sword was indeed unexpected for him and truly disappointed and pained him. However, he still did not wish to harbor any negative feelings towards you or let you become the one who took his life. Therefore, in the end, he would rather choose to die at Chi Feng Zun's hands, with the murderer being punished. So even if Lian Fang Zun had thoughts of perishing together with someone, that person would be Chi Feng Zun, not you. Pushing you away was merely to uphold what he had previously stated.”
In response, Lan Xichen stared at me in disbelief. “How could... how is this possible...?”
“This shows that your sincerity towards him was indeed seen and felt by him; he did not want to go against your feelings...” I tilted my head and smiled. “So it seems that although the outcome may not be what you expected, your sincerity has indeed received a response!”
Alright, I admit I was just rambling nonsense.
After all, if we were to seriously analyze Jin Guangyao's mindset, we could talk for three days and nights without finishing!
Lan Xichen stared at me in astonishment, speechless.
After a moment, he turned his gaze back to the night sky, seemingly deep in thought.
“...Is that so?” he murmured softly. “Is it really like that?”
"This is just my personal opinion, so please take it lightly and don't take it too seriously," I said calmly.
After a long silence, Lan Xichen suddenly spoke softly, "Ms. Wei, could you sing that piece again?"
I glanced at him silently, and Xu Ran responded, "Well then, at the request of the audience..."
Taking a deep breath, I slowly began to hum softly, the melody drifting through the quiet night, a tune that belonged to another world.
Once the song ended, he seemed to want to say something but ultimately said nothing, letting his unspoken words transform into a long sigh.
"It’s already this late..." Realizing how much time had passed, Lan Xichen stood up slowly and bid me farewell. "The night is deep; I won’t disturb Ms. Wei's rest any longer."
"Yes, good night," I whispered in response.
However, after taking a few steps, Lan Xichen hesitated and turned back. "Ms. Wei... may I have the honor of sharing the moonlight and conversation with you again in the future?"
I blinked in confusion and smiled brightly.
"Of course, as long as Lord Ze Wu doesn't mind, you are always welcome."
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