Book Synopsis
Book Tags
Donation Rankings
Comment
0 Comments
You May Also Like
墨書 Inktalez
As I returned, I saw the deceased sitting gloomily against a pile of rocks, lost in thought as he gazed at the River of the Underworld.
A silent stillness once again settled between us.
"That guy just now was my friend," he suddenly broke the silence unexpectedly.
"Oh?" I looked at him in surprise, not quite understanding why he brought this up.
"We've known each other since we were kids, living nearby," he said softly. "Xiao Long is a warm-hearted person who often cares for everyone he knows."
"Mm." I nodded, indicating that I was listening.
"Even someone like me, he has always made an effort to stay in touch," he sighed lightly. "But his concern only makes me feel extremely irritated."
"Why?"
"I don't know." He furrowed his brow, his tone filled with disdain. "It's been like this for as long as I can remember. The kindness from others, in my eyes, is always laced with malice and ulterior motives..."
I was at a loss for how to respond and could only remain silent.
"His enthusiastic concern seems to stem purely from his personality and habits, without any real meaning," he scoffed. "And I'm not good at interacting with people, especially with someone like him who is so friendly; it always leaves me feeling awkward and unsure of how to respond. Whether I speak honestly or feign politeness, it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable."
So this is what it means to struggle with social interactions? I pondered silently.
"Whenever I encounter someone unexpectedly showing kindness or concern, I can't help but doubt their intentions, thinking they must be secretly probing for something or scheming behind my back..." He looked up at me with a complex expression. "Maybe you would say, 'Don't think so poorly of others' goodwill' or 'Don't overthink it,' but I can't help it; I just can't control myself from thinking that way..."
No, I won't say anything because I cannot interfere.
"Perhaps that's why, no matter how I respond, it only comes off as awkward and strange, even provoking others for no reason... That feeling of being out of sync with those around me, the sense of being hated by the entire world, makes me want to escape at all costs, to find a place to hide and not face anyone again."
I silently watched him curl up with his arms around his knees.
"...I thought you were just too concerned about how others see you, worried about messing things up and afraid of leaving a bad impression, which is why you habitually greet people with a smile to mask your true self."
To be honest, his compulsive caution made me feel exhausted just watching him.
"Because that's the only way I've learned to be accepted," he said with a bitter smile. "Aside from that, no matter how I respond, even if I don't react at all in the moment, I'll still attract inexplicable scolding and disdain, whether from friends or acquaintances, even from complete strangers."
He sighed. "I'm tired; I don't want to care anymore. So I've given up everything; whether the intentions of those approaching me are good or bad, I've discarded them all..."
"I see..." I didn't know what to say and could only respond blandly.
Suddenly, he chuckled.
"But did you hear? That guy Xiao Long just said he was glad to see me one last time?" He laughed softly, becoming more exaggerated as he continued, even wiping away the tears forming at the corners of his eyes. "Clearly he's dead; there's no need to pretend anymore, yet he still says that to me..."
After a moment, he lifted his head, took a deep breath, and slowly exhaled.
"How should I put it... Even if it's just a habit for him, I can't help but feel that perhaps his concern comes from a genuine place for the first time..."
"I never expected that it would take reaching such an irretrievable point to suddenly realize that I seem to have missed so much..." he murmured softly.
"Indeed, this seems to be a common issue for many. After all, those involved are often blinded by their own situations, while outsiders can see clearly. If one doesn't step outside their current perspective, it's difficult to notice other aspects," I sighed lightly. "Unfortunately, this place is ultimately one of missed connections. Whether you regret it or not, the severed ties no longer concern you."
"Well, it doesn't matter," he replied with a relaxed smile. "Because I want to start over completely. I want to sever all ties with everyone and everything I've encountered in this life, to have no further connections."
At his words, I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow.
"...You just said you were waiting for someone."
"Yes," he nodded.
"So, is that why you haven't boarded the boat?" I couldn't resist asking.
He smiled faintly.
"You once said that here, all encounters are limited to this time and place; once separated, there will be no further connections." He looked at me with determination. "So, I want to wait until I'm sure everyone I know has left before setting out on my own."
Comment 0 Comment Count