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墨書 Inktalez
Day after day, I lived in this environment for twenty years. I was always carrying wounds, and whenever I saw a man raise his hand, I instinctively shrank back. I found a temporary job at a garment factory, earning a few hundred yuan each month, barely managing to support my family.
Wang Qiang hardly worked; he spent his days drinking at the small shop at the village entrance. When he came home, he demanded money for alcohol, and if I didn't give it to him, he would resort to violence.
Then came April 4, 2008. That day, I worked overtime at the factory until late at night and returned home just past midnight. As soon as I stepped inside, Wang Qiang exploded with rage: "Where the hell have you been? I've been starving all night!"
"I had to work overtime; we were rushing an order..." I explained quietly, but before I could finish my sentence, a slap landed heavily on my face.
"Stop talking nonsense! Where's the alcohol? Did you buy any?" He grabbed my hair and yanked me into the house.
"I'm sorry, I forgot..." I trembled.
"Forgot? Were you doing it on purpose? Do you want to drive me to death?" With that, he unleashed a flurry of punches and kicks upon me.
I curled up on the ground, protecting my head. After all these years, I had learned how to shield my vital areas. When he finally tired out, he kicked me once more and shouted, "Useless! Get up and cook!"
Struggling to rise despite the excruciating pain, I went to prepare a meal. When I placed a simple bowl of noodles on the table, he glanced at it and suddenly overturned the table: "Is this pig food? Are you trying to starve me?"
He grabbed a lighter and pressed it against my arm, the flames searing my skin and causing intense pain that nearly made me faint. He leaned close and hissed in my ear, "If you dare come home this late again, I'll gouge out your eyes!"
I was utterly despondent. He eventually tired himself out and lay down on the bed, snoring loudly. Meanwhile, I was left with bruises all over my body—hungry and exhausted—but unable to sleep through the night.
Suddenly, it dawned on me: if this continued, either I would be beaten to death or driven to take my own life.
On the morning of April 5th at 8 AM, I left my home and walked towards the Veterinary Pharmacy at the village entrance. The owner of the pharmacy recognized me and, upon seeing the bruises on my face, simply lowered his head in silence without asking any questions. Everyone in the village knew about my situation, yet they all chose to remain silent. I didn’t blame them; such things were too common in rural areas.
"What do you need?" the owner asked softly.
"I need nine vials of veterinary injection," I replied.
The owner's eyes showed a hint of confusion, but he still retrieved the medication. "So many?"
"The pigs at home are sick," I lied, paid for the items, stuffed them into my bag, and hurried away. The owner muttered to himself, "I don’t remember her family raising pigs."
As I walked back home, I kept thinking. What am I doing? Am I really going to go through with this? A voice in my heart screamed: This is murder! But another voice countered: If I don’t do this, it will be me who ends up dead!
When I returned home, Wang Qiang was still sound asleep, reeking of alcohol. I hid the injections in the cupboard and then silently began cleaning up the dining table and dishes that had been overturned last night. My whole body ached; the burn on my arm throbbed painfully. For twenty years, there was hardly a part of my body that he hadn’t injured.
I had often thought about ending my own life. Five years ago, after he broke my leg with a shovel, I stood by the well at the village entrance, contemplating jumping in. But when I thought of my two young children and how they would be abused by him, I forced myself to hold back.
After that incident, I sought help from the Women's Federation in the county. The staff gave me some pamphlets and informed me that there were laws protecting women's rights and that I could apply for a protection order. With those pamphlets in hand, I returned home and mustered the courage to ask Wang Qiang for a divorce.
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