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Suffocating Love
墨書 Inktalez
I am Gao Zhenbin, an ordinary lawyer, 37 years old this year. I killed my wife. However, after committing this heinous crime, I surprisingly felt a sense of relief.
In the summer of 1998, I met Yuan Juan through a matchmaking agency. Having gone through a failed marriage, I didn’t have high hopes for this relationship. Our first meeting was at the Maxim restaurant. She wore a light blue dress and quietly sat in a corner. I remember her eyes—gentle yet piercing, as if they could see right through to one’s soul. She was 35 and had also been married before, which gave us common ground.
“Hello, I’m Gao Zhenbin,” I said, extending my hand nervously.
“Yuan Juan,” she replied softly, “I’ve read your profile, Mr. Lawyer.”
We talked about many things—work, the trivialities of life, and our hopes for the future. She always spoke with her head slightly bowed, appearing both demure and intelligent. In that moment, a strong urge to protect her blossomed within me.
“Actually, I’ve felt very lonely since my divorce,” she confessed. “Every day after work, returning to an empty home sometimes makes me so sad that I want to cry.”
“I can understand that feeling,” I responded sincerely.
In the following days, our dates became more frequent. She was incredibly considerate, remembering my favorite dishes and bringing me warm meals when I worked late.
“Zhenbin, I feel very secure with you,” she whispered one evening a month later as she leaned on my shoulder. “Can I trust you?”
Eventually, we decided to have a whirlwind marriage. Within three months, we stood at the marriage registration office. I secretly rejoiced that in middle age, I had finally met the right person.
"I will always treat you well," I promised her softly by her ear.
"I will too, I will never let you leave me," she replied, her eyes shimmering with tears as she tightly grasped my hand.
The honeymoon phase after our wedding was brief yet beautiful.
We decorated our new home and planned for the future, each day filled with anticipation.
She took care of my every need, and my friends envied me for having such a virtuous wife.
But just over a month after the wedding, one night, I caught a glimpse of her standing by the window, staring intently at my phone. The light from the screen illuminated her face, revealing an expression I had never seen before—one of almost pathological focus and vigilance.
"What are you looking at?" I asked casually.
She quickly masked that expression, turning to me with a smile, "Nothing, just checking if anyone is trying to reach you. I didn’t want to disturb your rest."
Her smile remained gentle, but in that moment, I noticed a strange glimmer in her eyes that stirred a sense of unease within me.
At that time, I had no idea this was just the beginning of a nightmare.
Two months after the wedding, life began to change.
One day after work, I returned home to find my desk had been tidied up and my contact list was missing.
I asked Yuan Juan about it, and she simply smiled faintly and said, "I organized it for you; it's in the drawer."
I didn’t think much of it at the time.
However, in the following days, my colleagues and friends started calling one after another, asking if I was in some kind of trouble.
"Zhenbin, your wife called me yesterday and asked if you really were at my house drinking until ten the night before," my old classmate Li Ming said with a puzzled look. "What’s going on with you two?"
I was taken aback; I had indeed been at Li Ming's house the night before—there was nothing to investigate.
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