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墨書 Inktalez
I rushed to the supermarket near the delivery station not long ago. Gu Huai followed me. I stood inside the store, looking at the empty freezer from a distance, feeling like crying but with no tears. I had walked several kilometers under the scorching sun, and now I was being told that the fridge was empty and needed restocking. I couldn't accept it!
Gu Huai, on the other hand, seemed unaware of my frustration. He stood in front of the family planning products section, hands behind his back. "So you came to buy—" he started.
I replied weakly, "Yeah." What else could I be here for? I'm not here to steal.
He glanced at the family planning products. "It seems they don't have what you want."
I looked at the empty freezer again. "Yeah, they don't have what I want."
Then we headed back to school together. I felt dejected and quite disappointed. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders to comfort me. "I told you I'd get you something to eat. Just wait for my treat; don’t try to solve it yourself. From now on, it's all yours."
As if I would believe that! By the time I got to eat his ice cream, I figured I would have already melted away in school from the heat. It was so hot, and after walking such a distance, my body felt sticky, so I pushed him away.
"Hot, stay away."
He obediently kept his distance from me.
Feeling frustrated, I took out my phone and suddenly saw a message from the Athlete next door.
"I brought ice pops from training outside, do you want some?"
What the heck!
This is my real dad!
My spirit, which had been wilted from the sun, suddenly regained energy.
I took off running toward the school.
While running, I turned back to Gu Huai, who was lagging behind, and waved my phone at him.
"If you won't share with me, the Athlete next door will! He’s happy to share! I'm going to eat it!"
"Song An! Come back! You can't!"
What?
Why is he still chasing me?
Is he crazy?
He won't share with me but doesn't want anyone else to either.
What's wrong with him?
I didn't have time to think too much and ran even faster.
All the way, he chased after me.
Just as I finally managed to run into the school, into the dorm building, and up the dormitory stairs,
I was caught by Gu Huai right before I could enter the next-door dormitory.
He pinned me down on the bed.
"You can't eat his."
His pupils trembled.
"You're better off buying your own."
"Of course! It's not like I could buy any!"
He realized what I meant, and his words got stuck in his throat, falling silent.
I couldn't be bothered to say more to him and struggled with all my might.
I don't understand why he won't let me eat his food, but he doesn't mind if I eat someone else's. Is it just that he doesn't want me to have ice cream? But why? Why is he suddenly acting so neurotic? What triggered this behavior?
No matter how hard I try to resist him, it seems like I can't match his strength. I'm pinned down on the bed, completely powerless to fight back. I don't know how long we've been in this stalemate when my phone buzzes with a new message. It's a voice message from the athlete next door.
I open it on speaker in front of Gu Huai. "Song An, you're late; my roommate took the ice cream. Don't come looking for me."
I exclaim, "???" My ice cream!
Gu Huai looks at me with disbelief. His grip on my hand loosens. Frustrated, I slap the bed and start throwing a tantrum, almost in tears. "It's all your fault! If you hadn't stopped me, I would have had some! Now look! He gave it to his roommate! There's none left for me!"
Gu Huai holds down my legs as I kick and squirm. "Song An, don't you think he's being too casual about this? It could have been you, or it could be his roommate, or even..." He glances at his watch. "It’s only been a few minutes."
"I was late on my own! This is a race!" Ice cream is a treasure on campus right now!
"You're late, so it's gone!"
"Then he can't just casually give it to his roommate, right?"
I scoffed and fixed my gaze on Gu Huai.
"Why can't he give it to his roommate? Do you think everyone is as stingy as you?"
"He's being generous!"
"Besides, it's not just him. If it were me and you wanted some, I would definitely give it to you without hesitation!"
The more I spoke, the more animated I became.
Gu Huai seemed puzzled.
His ears turned increasingly red, the tips looking as if someone had pinched them.
Like a little chili pepper.
His expression grew more bashful.
"You..."
"What about me?"
"You are quite generous with me."
"Of course! I already said not everyone is like you, and sharing between roommates is completely normal. If two people have something good, what's wrong with sharing? Roommates should be like that!"
You give me a bag of yogurt, and I'll give you a grilled sausage in return.
I bite into your apple, and you bite into my pear.
Isn't that pretty normal among college roommates?
However, Gu Huai's expression suddenly changed.
"You... what do you mean? Roommates should be like that? Are you saying that with our other two roommates, you also want to eat from them?"
"They don't have anything for me to eat!"
My two roommates didn't buy ice cream; how could I eat anything?
Upon hearing this, Gu Huai looked as if he had been struck by lightning.
"They..."
"Don't have anything?"
"Exactly, why would I lie to you?"
"Then how did they get into the boys' dorm?"
"They walked in, how else would they get in?"
I didn't want to waste any more time arguing with him.
He got up in frustration.
Angrily, he left.
Leaving Gu Huai alone by the bed, disheveled and with a blank mind.
Then he casually sent a message to the supermarket owner.
"Boss, let me know when the ice cream comes in."
That night, I was scrolling through my phone.
The Study Blogger I liked hadn’t updated any study content again.
It was still that late-night sentiment.
"I don’t know what’s wrong with this world.
In this fast-paced world, I just want a slow-paced relationship.
Because I want to give the other person enough sense of security.
I know he’s very eager, and I want to give him that too.
But I’m afraid if I give it to him too soon, he’ll start to doubt my sincerity after he gets it.
I want to be with him for a long time, so I can only temporarily refuse him.
Refusing someone you like hurts so much."
Is this ever going to end?
Why do I have to refuse?
Heartache, man.
Am I even going to study anymore?
In frustration, I angrily commented four words beneath the many comments comforting him about his broken feelings—"Study updates needed!"
Then I turned off my phone and went to sleep.
I don’t know why, but I felt that Gu Huai had been looking at my two roommates strangely lately.
I often saw him secretly sizing them up with a puzzled expression that wasn’t lewd but extremely curious.
It was very strange.
And his behavior caused me great distress when he looked at my other two roommates.
I felt inexplicably uncomfortable. I had been secretly observing for several days. Until that day at lunch.
Due to the hot weather, the cafeteria was stuffy. The four of us from the dorm decided to take our meals back to the room. I returned with Gu Huai among the first group. We each sat quietly at the table, eating our meals. My roommate Sun Ye walked in from outside, and Gu Huai immediately fixed his gaze on him. I looked at Gu Huai in confusion. What was so interesting about Sun Ye?
Sun Ye was on the heavier side, sporting a short beard and wearing a pair of framed glasses perched on his small nose. I frowned as I glanced at the mirror. Was I not better looking than him?
Suddenly, a loud booming voice broke through my thoughts. "Gu Huai! You actually got this multigrain pancake! I've been queuing for days and couldn't get one!" Sun Ye waved his cold noodles around, eyeing the pancake that Gu Huai had just opened.
"Let me have a bite!" I scoffed from the side. "He won't let you have any because he..."
Before I could finish my sentence, I saw Gu Huai break off half of the pancake and shove it into Sun Ye's mouth.
Huh? Why was he being so generous now? Why could he share half of the pancake with Sun Ye but wouldn't share a bite of ice cream with me? Were they that close? Closer than he was with me? I felt a bit annoyed.
At that moment, my other roommate Cao Li also returned from outside.
This roommate is on the shorter side, like the little brother of our dorm. He came in saying he wanted to eat some fruits and vegetables but couldn't find any. He asked if he could buy the tomatoes on Gu Huai's table. I frowned. "Don't ask, he won't..." "I'll give them to you." The mention of Gu Huai made it impossible for me to eat. I turned my head away from the three of them. My chopsticks poked at the rice again and again, completely losing my appetite. What does Gu Huai mean by that? I was both angry and feeling wronged. Before I knew it, tears fell into my rice. Gu Huai is biased.
I particularly dislike how biased he is. I get angry when I see him lend a basin to Sun Ye. I get angry when I see him help Cao Li hang clothes high up on the balcony. I get even angrier when I see him observing those two. It seems like he is very close to them, but not to me. Even eating a scoop of his ice cream feels like a guarded affair. Just as I was feeling sad, another shocking piece of news came my way. The athlete next door told me that my roommate Sun Ye is gay. "With such obvious physical traits, you couldn't guess?" "Is it that obvious?" "It's as clear as day! Fat, a beard, black-rimmed glasses!" So when Sun Ye wanted to eat Gu Huai's lunch again, I stood in between them to stop him. I don't know why I did that.
I don't know what my purpose is.
My heart is racing, and my breathing is quick and labored.
"Thump, thump, thump..."
I open my arms to block him.
"Sun Ye! Can you have some sense of personal space?"
"What?"
"I mean you, every time you think the things Gu Huai has are delicious, you always ask him for some. Have you considered Gu Huai's feelings? What if he doesn't want to give it to you? What if he doesn't want to share at all? What if..."
"I can share."
Gu Huai interrupted me from behind.
"Isn't sharing what roommates are supposed to do?"
A bolt of lightning struck through my thoughts.
Does he know about sharing now?
Why is it that when facing me, he doesn't understand the concept of sharing?
I took two steps back, glancing at Sun Ye and then at Gu Huai, my lips trembling slightly before I turned and ran out of the dormitory.
How embarrassing.
What am I doing?
They have a good relationship.
No. The three of them have a good relationship.
Gu Huai himself doesn't mind it.
So why should I care?
And excluding Cao Li, even if Sun Ye really is gay, what if Gu Huai finds out?
What if he doesn't mind knowing, or maybe he has feelings for Cao Li too?
What was I just doing? What does this have to do with me?
I feel like a clown.
I ran wildly down the stairs of the dormitory building.
Although I didn't know where to go, I just wanted to run, to escape, to cover my eyes and not look at the three of them.
I wanted to ignore Gu Huai's affection for them.
In the last second before I stepped out of the dormitory's first-floor lobby, Gu Huai pulled me back from behind.
"Song An, are you angry?"
I turned to look at him, biting my lip as I spoke.
"I'm not angry. What would I be angry about? Am I angry that you always share things with Sun Ye? Or am I angry that you help Cao Li hang up clothes? I'm not angry at all; I don't care what you do with those two. Really, it doesn't bother me at all. You can do whatever you want, even if you end up with either of them; it has nothing to do with me."
"Song An, then why are you crying?"
I... cried again?
When did I become so emotional?
It seems like ever since I met Gu Huai, I've been crying all the time. Either because of his kisses or because he made me mad. All my emotions are directed towards him.
Gu Huai pulled me toward the big tree in front of the dormitory building. Before I could react, he stopped and pulled me into his arms.
From the tears at the corner of my eyes, he kissed me at the corner of my mouth.
"You have such a strong possessiveness."
"I won't get so close to them anymore; I know I was wrong. Please forgive me, okay? I'll keep a more appropriate distance as ordinary roommates from now on."
"Don't be angry anymore, Song An."
The dormitory supervisor downstairs frowned at us for seventeen minutes.
"What’s wrong with these kids? Aren't they just two boys?"
After returning that day, I hid under the covers and laughed. It seemed like I didn't want to sleep at all; I just wanted to savor Gu Huai's kiss.
So sweet.
Gu Huai's lips.
How could they be more and more delightful to kiss each time?
I seem to not care so much about him and his roommates anymore. After all, they haven't been close to me. The next day, Gu Huai had breakfast, lunch, and dinner with me. I was eating shyly when a message came through on my phone. In front of Gu Huai, I opened it on speaker. It was from the supermarket owner. "Hey, the items you wanted have arrived! Come buy them!" Oh my! The ice cream is finally in stock! I jumped up excitedly but was pressed back down onto the bed by Gu Huai. He looked gloomy, but his eyes showed a hint of panic. "No, you can't go." I squirmed anxiously. "Let me go! Let me go! I'm going to buy it without spending your money! I really want to eat it! If I don't eat it, I'm going to lose my mind!" "Look at me! Just hearing the news makes my mouth water!" I showed him the corner of my mouth. He looked pained. "I kissed you like that yesterday, and you still don't believe I would get you something to eat?" "Even an old man would believe it." "It's not that I don't believe you; it's that I can't wait!" "Even if you can't wait, you have to wait." I was completely trapped by him. Gu Huai leaned down and kissed me again. "I don't want to hurt you so soon. Just a quick kiss to ease things."
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