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墨書 Inktalez
Nanfeng smiled, gazing at the overgrown weeds in the middle of the runway. "Stop being so self-righteous. Whoever does wrong must bear the consequences; it’s not your place to interfere. And don’t blame me for not reaching out. After the graduation exams in junior high, when the scores came out, I barely scraped by. My mom helped me find a private high school to enroll in, and I spent my time studying at home. I thought about contacting you, but I didn’t know how to face you. You asked me who the murderer was? If I told you, you would inevitably feel guilty. You asked how my health was? How could I answer that? If you wanted to meet or came looking for me, how would I respond? I was terrified of letting you see my state. Besides those worries, the most important reason was that you were still in that county, and they were still there too. Without me around to advise or stop you, if you impulsively sought them out for trouble, wouldn’t I be pushing you towards a dead end?"
"I understand," Ke Li said, resting her forehead against Nanfeng's shoulder. "I’m much more stable now."
Nanfeng scoffed, "Just you?" She ruffled Ke Li's fluffy hair. "After graduating from high school, I didn’t continue my studies. Just thinking about walking among a group of vibrant young boys and girls with a urine bag hanging off me, unable to control my own bodily functions, having to go to the bathroom to empty it regularly—it felt suffocating. I had to earn money since I wasn’t studying anymore, but my body couldn’t handle much strain. So I picked up my old talent and started writing books to help my mom share some of the burden; she suffered too much for me over the years. But just as I was able to support myself through writing, my mom suddenly collapsed. She had been ill for a long time but held on because she was worried about me. When I proudly showed her my new book, she fell down suddenly and passed away just a few days later."
Ke Li felt Nanfeng trembling in her arms.
"After holding my mother's funeral, I returned home to visit my uncles and aunts and got your contact information from them. You were my only remaining relative; time flies by so quickly, and I didn’t want to waste any more of it. I went to Beijing; that year you were just a freshman."
Ke Li released Nanfeng and stretched her neck to scrutinize Nanfeng's profile as she questioned, "Ha, were you already in Beijing when we reconnected? Why didn’t you come find me?"
"I did look for you."
"Looked for me? Don’t kid me!"
"At that time, you were wearing a sleeveless lace dress with dark patterns; the hem was very short, barely covering your backside. You had on some awful makeup that screamed amateur. You stood there shyly in front of a boy wearing black-rimmed glasses who looked refined—were you confessing your feelings? You exchanged contact information with him, and as soon as he left, your fake demure nature vanished instantly as you rushed over to a few girls hiding behind a flower bed. You all chattered away like lively little birds full of energy; pushing and shoving each other as you moved forward into the library—I didn’t follow you inside."
Ke Li quickly recalled that day; it was her first confession to an upperclassman in the student council who became her first boyfriend, so it was fresh in her memory. Did Nanfeng really witness that?
Nanfeng turned around and locked eyes with Ke Li; they understood each other's thoughts without needing many words.
At that time, Ke Li was innocent and carefree; Nanfeng felt like a dark cloud from the past looming over her—how could she bear to overshadow her?
Afterward, Nanfeng visited Beijing Institute of Technology multiple times and occasionally ran into Ke Li. More often than not, she walked through the campus soaking in the atmosphere of health, sunshine, vitality, and brightness. Just thinking about Ke Li living and studying in such an environment made her genuinely happy.
Her family was doing well; she felt content!
After more than a year, Nanfeng decided it was time to meet Ke Li formally due to Lu Zhang.
As mentioned before, Nanfeng felt guilty towards Lu Zhang and tried every way possible to get in touch with him. When inviting him out failed, she ended up visiting his home and kept him busy for half a day.
"It doesn’t really matter," the timid Lu Zhang from junior high had already become part of the past; now he was starting his own business after graduating and buying a house. He had been labeled a "genius" during school days, so his success wasn’t too surprising. As he poured himself some wine after letting it breathe, he asked Nanfeng, "Can you drink?"
Nanfeng nodded. "It’s fine; don’t feel uncomfortable because of me."
Lu Zhang smiled slightly as he took off his rimless glasses and neatly folded them on a cloth beside him. "Since that incident, I've developed this habit of feeling like there's blood on me that can never be washed off; it gradually turned into obsessive cleanliness—I can’t stand even a speck of dust."
"You were terrified back then."
"Yeah, I was scared; I kept telling myself that," Lu Zhang said quietly with his long black eyelashes half-closed as he suddenly tilted his head back and took a sip of wine. He wasn’t drunk yet but looked dazed as he stared at the wind chimes on the balcony. "They handed me a knife meant to hurt you; put another way—I got this weapon for self-defense because of you. I used it to scare off those thugs while leaving you behind to escape alone."
"Are you still blaming yourself? Do you know how I view this situation?"
Lu Zhang turned back to look at Nanfeng.
"I was lying on the ground, completely immobilized. I exposed their personal information, and out of revenge, they would kill me just like they did Luo Muye. You shouldn't doubt that at all. Even without you, my chances of survival are slim. They forced a knife into your hands to make you hurt me; it was to manipulate you, to drag you down and ruin your future. We are both victims here. You could stab me to protect yourself; you are being coerced. But you can't do it because you are kind. You stood alone with a small utility knife against a group of bastards, which shows your bravery and decisiveness. You would rather put yourself in danger than harm me, demonstrating your respect for life and your resilience. In the end, you ran away. So what if you ran? Only a fool wouldn't run. If it were me, I would run faster than you. Is it wrong to save your own life? Don't be too hard on yourself; you've done well."
"But after I ran away, out of fear, I didn't tell anyone about what happened. I left you there to fend for yourself. When I got home, I acted as if nothing had happened and lay in my study doing homework until two in the morning when my parents came back and found the blood on my clothes. Then they discovered the wound on my head, and I finally spilled everything out. They hurriedly drove back to where you were, but you were already gone. For many days after that, there was no news of you. I hoped for your rescue but feared it at the same time; this conflicting feeling filled me with guilt."
"So, you admitted to Ke Li that it was you who hurt me?"
Lu Zhang lowered his head and laughed. "She can be quite a handful. To put it frankly, at that time before I took off my pants in the men's restroom, I had to check both sides to make sure she wasn't lurking among the crowd."
Nanfeng burst out laughing. "Was she really that outrageous back then? Sorry about that; she fiercely protects her own. Anyone who dares to bully me will have to face her wrath. You probably don't understand her personality well enough to take on this blame; it's easy to imagine that she might be your childhood trauma."
Lu Zhang's smile faded for a moment before his lips curled up even higher as he said meaningfully, "Childhood trauma?" He shook his head. "Her relentless pursuit gave me a chance for redemption; if I made a mistake, I had to face punishment. The more she caused trouble for me, the lighter I felt inside because I was accepting my punishment. In the latter half of high school, she probably realized I had masochistic tendencies and began to distance herself from me, gradually becoming cold towards me. That was actually the hardest time for me. To be honest with you, I once thought how lucky someone must be to have her care about them; could I also be one of those lucky people?"
Lu Zhang suddenly stood up. "Wait a moment." He retrieved something from a hidden door deep within a wall cabinet and crossed the dining table to hand it to Nanfeng. From a distance, it looked like a knife, but upon closer inspection with a phone's flashlight, it turned out to be a retractable plastic toy knife. Lu Zhang couldn't help but chuckle. "She scared me with this knife back then; after graduating high school, I asked her for it as a keepsake."
Nanfeng scrutinized Lu Zhang's expression and suddenly understood something. "Do you know she's in Beijing?"
"Yes, at Beijing Institute of Technology. Why else would I report to Renmin University? But it's been so long since graduation; I have no idea what she's doing now—working? Or has she already married and had kids?"
"She's single! Currently working at a design company in Haidian District, less than twenty minutes away by car—very close! Should we old classmates get together?"
"Nanfeng..." Ke Li dragged out her words and glanced down at Nanfeng. "I have a boyfriend now; it's inappropriate for you to say these things."
"I mean no harm; I originally wanted to bring you two together when I came to see you. He's quite rare in many aspects; I don't want you to miss out on him. Back then, you didn't know your current boyfriend yet; I never intended to ruin your relationship."
"Then why are you telling me this now? Even before Mi Liangbao appeared, I'd never met Lu Zhang or received any news from him—you're probably overthinking this."
Nanfeng's smile faded as her expression turned serious. "That's because he disappeared."
"Disappeared? What do you mean by disappeared? Did he move? Leave Beijing?"
"He vanished without a trace!"
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