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墨書 Inktalez
Dad and Mom have completely annoyed me. I don't want to have anything to do with them anymore. I quit my clerical job and invested in a bridal shop with some friends. Every time I see a bride in a pure white wedding dress, smiling as she walks out of the fitting room, I feel happy alongside her. Getting married is a joyful thing; it at least means someone loves you. Unfortunately, I've never been loved by anyone.
Mom has called me many times, but I've blocked her. I can't face her; just thinking about her makes me feel like the world is collapsing, suffocating me. I can no longer bear any pain. Mom seems to have guessed my thoughts; she stopped calling me directly and instead used someone else's phone to reach me.
When she finally got through for the first time, she was crying uncontrollably. "Tingting, I'm sorry for everything. Can you forgive me?" "Mom really loves you, Tingting. Please, don't ignore me..." I remained silent. It's not true to say I don't hate her, but it's also hard to say that I truly hate her.
The relationship between Mom and me has long been shattered. All I want now is to escape, to get as far away as possible, ideally never to see her again. However, hearing her cry stirred up some complex emotions within me. "Tingting, you are a piece of flesh that fell from my body." "I don't ask for your forgiveness, but you need to know that everything I've done is for you." "If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have endured your father." "I had to give you a complete home." "Tingting, I've let you study more than your sister and brother; isn't that good for you?" "You don't know that sometimes when I'm harsh with you, it's for your father's sake. When he sees me being tough on you, he treats you better." "Tingting, everything I've done is for you."
I heard this sentence, and my heart suddenly ached.
It turns out that I can still feel pain.
It turns out that I can still be sad.
I thought I had become numb, but when I heard her explanation, I still felt sorrow.
But I would still hate.
Why?
Why do this to me?
Why vent your dissatisfaction and resentment on me?
I don't understand.
Listening to her sobs, I couldn't help but feel cold inside.
She was still arguing.
She was still lying.
Perhaps she didn't dare to admit her mistakes at all.
Perhaps she would never admit her mistakes in her lifetime.
But what does it matter?
I no longer need her love.
I tentatively asked her, "Mom, Dad said that as long as you agree, he can give me a house."
On the other end of the phone, Mom stopped crying.
She was silent for a while, then said, "Tingting, I can give you a house."
"But you're a girl; you will get married in the future, and you won't need a house."
"Besides, your older sister is so competitive; your dad wouldn't really want to give you the house."
"Tingting, please don't make it hard for Mom; don't put Mom in a difficult position in front of Dad."
"This will make things very passive for Mom."
"Tingting, can you just help Mom out?"
"Mom has raised you for so many years; can't you agree to this small request?"
"Mom is also suffering."
Hearing this, I felt completely chilled inside.
I sensed her hesitation and coldly said, "You only care about your own interests."
"Whether it was when you were young and ignorant or now, you are always calculating."
"You always do what is most beneficial for yourself."
"You never consider my feelings."
"You never realize where you went wrong."
"You are always making excuses."
When my mother heard my words, she cried even harder.
She said, "Tingting, how can you say that to me?"
"I am your mother."
"No matter what, I love you."
"I spent so much time and energy raising you, I spent so much money on your education; how could I not love you?"
"Tingting, you can't just abandon your mother like this."
"Tingting, you can't treat your mother this way."
"Please don't pressure me anymore, okay?"
I interrupted her, "Mom, you don't need a house, and I don't need one either."
"From today on, I have no mother."
After saying that, I hung up the phone.
Once I hung up, my heart began to ache again.
I didn't understand.
Why was I in so much pain?
I once thought I would be happy because of her confession.
But when I heard her explanation, I felt even sadder.
I told myself that I didn't need her love.
I only needed myself.
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