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墨書 Inktalez
It may not be that I don't want to work hard, but there is still a gap between reality and ideals, and bridging that gap is not something that can be accomplished in a day or two.
This is not something I thought of myself; it was Mina who told me.
When I was feeling restless and even had trouble sleeping, I received a message from her, and it started with the words "Forwarded."
It seems she wasn't the original author; it was probably Zhuo Feng or someone else. However, it was still a good encouragement for me.
I called her and chatted for a few minutes, and my emotions gradually stabilized, so I really went to sleep. Real life doesn't allow for capriciousness.
For about a week, I didn't go to the library, and of course, I didn't see Ye Guang.
Ye Guang's mom also didn't come looking for me again.
I rarely went to Mina's place either. Basically, I would go out once to buy groceries for two or three days, put them away in the fridge, and then I wouldn't go out again. I focused on being a homebody, immersing myself in those paintings.
Sometimes Mina would come to see me, increasingly unable to bear it: "Qiu Yuhan, you are really overdoing it. Do you know you are pregnant? You can't just work all day long; you need to go out for fresh air, get some exercise, and pay attention to your nutrition instead of sitting at the desk all day. This is very detrimental to the growth of the fetus."
I remembered that she had suggested I do some painting earlier, so I casually replied, "Aren't you the one who said we should do prenatal education?"
She looked at me as if she were seeing a ghost: "What are you teaching? Teaching my nephew how to overwork himself?"
I continued along this topic with her, thinking about those women who worked while pregnant. Compared to them, I considered myself fortunate; at least no one was pressuring me every day or supervising how I should act. Psychologically speaking, that made things much easier.
However, when I told Mina this, she stared at me as if I were a ghost and said, "You are really dedicated now. I'm thinking that if you had said this a few years ago, maybe things would be different now."
She was right. A few years ago, or even earlier, I was just getting by because I hadn't received a high level of education since childhood and my family conditions were lacking. After many years in society, I had remained at the basic level of survival without considering any ambitions or aspirations.
Strictly speaking, even these things were given by Xiao Minxing. If he hadn't let me learn to paint back then, what would I be like today?
Would I be standing in a hotel with a big belly, cleaning up after others?
Some people are like that. When you're together, you don't notice their good qualities and even find them annoying. But when you face life alone, you start to remember all the little things about them.
I have been used to loneliness since childhood, without the guidance of parents or relatives. I never made any plans for life, but Xiao Minxing is different. Every step he takes is calculated precisely, leaving no room for error.
Mina waved her hand in front of my eyes and said, "Hey, why are you zoning out again while talking? You really can't be like this; you need to think about the child, right?"
I placed my hand on my belly and looked at her, saying, "This is also for him."
Mina was almost furious with me and said angrily, "If you keep this up, I'm going to tell Xiao Minxing that this child is his. You're working so hard; let him come and take care of you."
Hearing this made me genuinely anxious. I grabbed Mina and said, "Are you out of your mind? It's hard-won peace right now; do you want to stir up trouble? If he gets sick again because of you, just wait and see how I'll deal with you."
Mina wasn't buying it at all: "How are you going to deal with me? You’re carrying a baby; you can't fight me or even scold me properly. Besides, if I expose the child's situation, do you think Xiao Minxing will still let you act like this? He might just take you home and make you his little wife. Then we'll see how tough you can be. And by then, I'll be the hero; who knows, he might even help me out."
Right now, she had a hold over me and wasn't letting any opportunity slip by.
However, considering she was doing this for my own good, I decided to take some time out of my day to go for a walk after meals—just a bit of exercise.
Mina was half-reclining on the living room sofa, watching the TV at a lower volume while talking to me: "Just adjusting your own schedule isn't enough. How about finding a nanny? Someone who can help cook and tidy up the house every day. This way, you'll have an easier time and more free time. Most importantly, you'll get to enjoy being taken care of before the baby arrives. With your current situation and no relatives around, you'll end up needing both a nanny and a postpartum caregiver once the baby is born."
Honestly, I had thought about this long ago. But hiring a nanny in Haicheng costs a lot of money. Given my current situation, I could afford one person, but those expenses are still staggering. Without stable income, I can't afford to waste money.
I could only tell Mina: "Let's wait a bit longer. I'm still able to move around easily; look at this belly—it's not showing at all! What's the difference between this and not being pregnant? I don't have an official job; staying home all day and needing someone to take care of me would just make me lazy."
She shot me a glance but didn't say anything further.
I put the book in my hand on the table and sat down next to her, my eyes on the television while my mind wandered elsewhere.
“Mina, are you planning to spend the whole weekend here instead of going out to have fun?”
Without surprise, she glanced at me and asked, “What’s wrong? Are you tired of me? I’m just worried you’ll get bored alone, so I gave up the beautiful autumn weather to spend time with you. How about this: let’s go out for a bit now.”
“I’m not going. I still have a lot of tasks to do today. If I don’t finish them, they’ll pile up even more by tomorrow. Just thinking about it scares me.”
As soon as she heard this, she jumped up from the sofa.
“Are you saying that everything I just said was a waste of breath? The companies you’re collaborating with aren’t waiting for you to get rich; they have plenty of submissions already. They’re not asking for a deadline from you, so why are you pushing yourself like this?”
I looked at her and said, “I can take it slow in the future, but this is my first time. I need to ensure quality and quantity in my work. This way, I can see how good I really am and focus on learning more in the future. Plus, I want to leave a good impression; I can’t let a single project drag on for years.”
I believe Mina understands what I’m saying. She has struggled in the workplace for many years and knows the hardships firsthand. While others may not see it, she is well aware of it herself, which is why she has developed the habit of not crying in front of others. No matter how painful things get, even if it feels like bleeding, she prefers to hide away and lick her wounds alone.
Behind everyone’s glamorous exterior lies countless efforts that rarely get noticed.
Neither of us spoke again as we sat side by side watching the nearly silent scenes on the television.
After a long while, Mina finally said, “Actually, it was Xiao Minxing who asked me to keep you company.”
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