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"But if you say those people are here to protect me, why would they want to protect me?"
"For many years, there has been a force opposing Anqing, and now this force has grown stronger and more unscrupulous. Anna, perhaps you have already become entangled in this matter."
"But what does that have to do with me?" Anna asked, confused.
"I don't know for sure either; Anqing is unwilling to say much," Han Yoon-soo replied.
As Anna pondered, a terrifying thought gradually emerged in her mind.
"Madam, have you heard of the name Hogga?" Anna asked tentatively.
Han Yoon-soo searched her memory carefully but ultimately shook her head and said, "No, Anna, who is he? Why do you ask?"
Anna seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and said, "It's nothing; I was just asking casually." She looked at Han Yoon-soo, this middle-aged yet graceful and beautiful woman. "Madam, thank you so much for caring about me. But now that I have broken up with Park Chan-yeol, you don't need to worry about me so much anymore."
"Anna, do you dislike me?"
"No, no," Anna quickly shook her head and said, "I just feel a bit guilty because you are so good to me."
Han Yoon-soo smiled and said, "Anna, it's nothing personal; I just want to treat you like a daughter. I feel a connection with you, which is why I care for you. Don't feel any burden; just think of me as your mother." Han Yoon-soo held Anna's hand.
Anna bit her lip, feeling a bit emotional. If she really had such a mother by her side, she wouldn't have had such a hard time or felt so miserable over the years.
"Thank you," Anna thought, feeling a warmth in her heart.
As Anna lay on the sofa watching Han Yoon-soo tie on an apron and prepare porridge in the kitchen, for a moment it felt as if she truly saw her mother. If her mother hadn't left, she would have been sitting on the sofa watching TV with Andy since childhood while their mother busied herself in the kitchen. Soon enough, the aroma of food would waft through the air as their father returned home from work, tired but happy, changing his shoes before scooping both children into his arms.
There was no loneliness, no smell of alcohol. It was a loving home.
Growing up in such a home, I wouldn't be so strong-willed; I would surely enjoy being pampered, throwing tantrums, and not feeling the need to handle everything on my own. I would dress up beautifully every day like most girls, without having to work day and night just to earn enough for tuition.
In such a home, Andy wouldn't have become so extreme and resolute, so selfish and cruel. He would play video games every day and wouldn't get into fights just because someone looked down on him. He would love to dance and sing, but he wouldn't amplify his resentment indiscriminately.
In such a home, the father would definitely be a good father, loving the mother and children, working hard and sweating for those he loved.
However, all of this was ultimately just a fantasy; her home was still that incomplete family.
"What are you thinking about?" Han Yoon-soo placed a bowl of steamed eggs in front of Anna. "Eat something; I don't know if you like it."
Anna sat up, smiled, and said, "Just daydreaming..." She picked up a spoonful of egg and put it in her mouth. The aroma filled her senses as she said contentedly, "It's delicious."
"I'm glad you like it. I didn't know your taste, so I just made some random dishes. There's also porridge; let me get you a bowl." Han Yoon-soo was extremely happy.
"Thank you so much! I've never had anything this delicious before. Really, thank you," Anna said earnestly.
Han Yoon-soo's eyes turned slightly red; she quickly turned away and said, "It's nothing. I'll go get you some porridge." With that, she walked into the kitchen.
Anna smiled lightly and continued to eat the eggs.
By the time Han Yoon-soo left, it was already evening. The awkwardness from their initial interactions had faded away, and time seemed to pass more quickly.
Receiving a call from Sister Jin-eun inviting everyone over for dinner, Anna could somewhat understand her intention. Although she didn't want to go out, she still appreciated the gesture. After driving a car that hadn't been used for a long time, without any makeup, she washed her face, brushed her hair, changed into clean clothes, and headed out.
Upon arriving at Brother Jae-seok's house, she realized that the only ones there for dinner were Kwang-soo and Anna.
"Weren't we supposed to have everyone here?" Anna asked.
"Everyone has their schedule today, only Kwang-soo is free," Jing'en said with a smile.
"I see," Anna replied.
"With me accompanying you for dinner, aren't you happy?" Kwang-soo joked.
"Happy, but I'm afraid I might have indigestion from being too happy," Anna shot him a glance.
After the meal, Anna accompanied Jing'en to wash the dishes in the kitchen, while Brother Jae-seok came in to prepare a pot of tea.
"By the way, Brother Jae-seok, is Ms. Han Yoon-soo your classmate?" Anna casually brought up the topic.
Brother Jae-seok thought for a moment, nodded, and said, "Yes... I saw her once a few years ago. Hey? Anna, how do you know her?"
"Saw her a few years ago?" Anna was puzzled. She clearly heard Han Yoon-soo say that Brother Jae-seok told her his address. Why did Brother Jae-seok say they only met a few years ago?
"Yeah, we weren't very close when we were in school. Later I heard she got married not long after graduating, but I didn't hear anything about her for many years. I didn't see her at any class reunions until a few years ago—maybe four or five years ago—I happened to run into her at a mall... She seemed to be doing well. By the way, Anna, how did you get to know her?"
"Me?" Anna hesitated and said, "She's the mother of a friend I know, so that's how I met her. She's really nice."
"Yeah, there were many boys in our class who liked her back then, but somehow she suddenly got married later," Jae-seok said.
Jing'en teased with a smile, "Brother Jae-seok seems to think it's a pity."
"Not at all..." Yoo Jae-suk realized he had misspoken. Haha chuckled twice to ease the awkwardness and said, "The tea is ready; I'm going out." With that, he quickly left the kitchen with the teapot.
Jing'en and Anna exchanged glances and laughed.
Without any suspense, Han Yoon-soo lied. Why did she lie? Which of her words were true and which were false? Anna couldn't tell.
Human emotions are indeed complex, and perhaps the words of Hogga can explain the current situation. In this world, there is no absolute good, nor is there absolute bad. Han Yoon-soo is like this, and so is everyone else.
The weather has grown increasingly cold, and the branches have become completely bare. The night sky is heavy with clouds, and I wonder if tonight will bring the first snowfall to Seoul.
"What are you thinking about? You seem so lost in thought," Kwang-soo asked Anna, who was staring blankly out the window.
"I'm just wondering when the first snow of the year will fall," Anna replied.
Kwang-soo chuckled and said, "When the first snow falls this year, will you consider starting a real relationship with me?"
Anna glanced at him and said, "Are you out of your mind?"
"I'm serious; you should be serious too," Kwang-soo insisted.
Anna burst into laughter and said, "Wow, you're so serious. Alright then, if you can promise not to date any other women from the first snow this year until the last snow next year, I'll be with you."
"Really? But how do we define that? You won't be following me around every day to keep an eye on me."
"That's easy. If you successfully keep your promise each day, put a 500 won coin in a jar. That would be a matter of conscience; you wouldn't fake it, would you?"
"Of course not. I promise to present all the coins to you when the time comes," Kwang-soo said with a smile.
"Haha, I bet the money in that jar won't exceed a thousand won," Anna said dismissively. "Alright, alright, enough joking around. What if we take this seriously?"
"Then let's take it seriously; after all, being with me won't cost you anything."
Anna shot him a glance and said, "I'm worried that you'll end up losing out."
Suddenly, there was a silence in the car. After a long pause, Kwang-soo asked again, "But really, has it ended between you and Park Chan-yeol? Why?"
Anna lowered her head, smiled bitterly, and said, "What is there to explain? Why do people in love love each other? Why do people who separate do so? Is there really a reason?"
"You seem to have a lot on your mind. Hey, Anna, it seems like we've really grown up," Kwang-soo teased.
"After going through so much, it's time to grow up, isn't it?" Anna replied.
"Well, it's just that there are many things where I want to help you, but I don't know how. It feels like I can only watch helplessly. As a friend and brother, it's really frustrating," Kwang-soo said.
Anna smiled and said, "That's touching. Thank you, Brother Kwangsoo." After pausing for a moment, she continued, "But honestly, you can't really help me with these things because I don't even know how to solve them myself. Let's wait a bit longer; there will be an answer eventually."
"If you really need my help, make sure to tell me," Lee Kwang-soo said.
"Don't worry, I will," Anna replied with a smile.
"As the year comes to an end, we have more free time coming up. Everyone is discussing whether we should go on another trip. Do you remember the racetrack Jung Kook took us to? Sister Jihyo really wants to go again."
"Jeju Island?"
"Yeah, it must be pretty cold this time of year."
"Don't you want to go?"
"Of course I want to go, but..." Anna had her concerns. First, she wasn't sure if it was the right time to leave Seoul; she had almost gotten into trouble after going to Gwangju a few days ago. Second, she still didn't have a job at the moment. Although she had some money left after selling the villa and making donations, she needed to save some.
"But what?" Kwang-soo asked.
Anna smiled and said, "I don't know if I'll have the time; we'll see when the time comes."
"When you were younger, didn't you always say that you wanted to live in Jeju Island when you grew up? Now you don't mention it at all."
"That was when I was young, I didn't understand things back then. But now I still think that if I could settle down on Jeju Island when I'm old, it would definitely be a happy thing. It's just that the houses on Jeju Island are so expensive now; I guess I'll have to work hard for a few more years," Anna said with a smile. "Back then, you said you wanted to find a woman as beautiful as Kim Tae-hee; reality and dreams always have their gaps."
"That's not necessarily true. Who knows, my future spouse might be just as good as Miss Kim Tae-hee," he replied.
"Dream on."
"Whether it's dreaming or not, we'll only know in the future..." Kwang-soo laughed and said, "But I feel like ever since you found out about Peter's death, you've been smiling less and less. There are many things I haven't asked you about, and you don't say anything. Why did Andy suddenly leave Century Group? He just disappeared and sold the villa. And there are many times when your reactions are strange; when I ask you why, your answer is always negative."
"There are many things that can't be said or started. Even I am in a fog, as if swept away by a flood, not knowing where I'll drift to. Brother Kwang-soo, I'm also very confused; what has happened to my life? My originally simple life has suddenly turned into this. It seems like everyone around me is hiding astonishing secrets. I don't know who to trust or which words to believe are true. Brother, I'm really lost."
"Anna, do you regret it? Regret coming to Running Man? Regret meeting Park Chan-yeol? Regret knowing us?"
Anna shook her head and said, "I don't regret it; what is there to regret? Because even if I had to choose again, I would still choose the same path as back then. The outcome would still be the same. People always think about 'what if,' what if they could start over and take another exam, choose a different direction... but actually, it's useless because people can never predict the future. So at that moment, your choice will always be the same. The trajectory of life may seem unpredictable, but it is actually predetermined."
"But you told me that your dream is to become the best program producer in Korea; is that dream still alive?"
Anna smiled and said, "Of course it is. However, she has gone through too much recently and needs a good sleep to have sweet dreams; when she wakes up, she will continue moving forward."
"Just make sure she doesn't sleep too long," Kwang-soo joked.
"Yes, definitely," Anna nodded.
That night, although the sky was overcast with clouds, no snowflakes fell; it seemed intent on brewing a heavy snowfall.
Life doesn't promise you anything, especially not success. It only offers you pain, struggle, and torment. Therefore, no matter when it is, always leave yourself with a dream and move towards that direction. Without dreams, life becomes meaningless existence.
Anna was constantly searching for a reason to keep moving forward.
The deeper one remembers the past, the harder it becomes to attain happiness.
Anna is now yearning for happiness; these days have indeed been too exhausting.
Walking alone on the winter streets, she remembers the time when Running Man was filming in Japan, and Anna also walked alone on the quiet streets. Back then, she was all by herself, and now, after going in circles, she finds herself back in that same state.
If this could continue, just as she believes, perhaps happiness would truly arrive when time passes long enough to erase everything. All her current doubts could be cast aside; with more time, she might forget them altogether.
However, life seems to have no intention of calming down. It appears determined to turn everything upside down this time.
"Welcome." The automatic electronic voice greeted her as she pushed open the convenience store door.
Anna initially wanted to greet the girl behind the counter, but the girl kept her head down, engrossed in a mobile game. Not once did she look up until Anna paid for her Vegetarian Ramen and sat down, her fingers deftly moving back and forth.
With a slight smile on her lips, Anna left the convenience store.
She didn't take a bus; thinking it wasn't far from home, she passed through the square. In the center of the square, beneath a three-sided live broadcast screen, many young people had gathered, mostly girls who were occasionally screaming.
A familiar voice reached her ears. Anna stopped in her tracks, quietly pausing to turn around. On the screen was Park Chan-yeol, with red-rimmed eyes and a gaunt face.
You've lost weight; you're sad again.
My heart still aches.
"This next song is my last song after leaving EXO. I promised someone not long ago that I would sing it. Now, I don't know if you're listening..."
The melody began to play; the stage lights softened and became dreamlike. There was no clamor or noise; everything faded away.
"Ah!!" The girls gathered in the square began to scream again, most likely imagining themselves as 'that someone.'
"I live in this world for one reason only: you. To continue living without regrets, I must hold onto you tightly... Looking into my anxious eyes, trembling you, our love feels like a war. Because I am too dangerous, because I love you too much, I can only let you go like this."
In the overlapping light and shadow, the music gradually faded away, and the screen dimmed little by little until Park Chan-yeol disappeared into the darkness, eyes closed and too afraid to open them...
Another scream echoed.
Only Anna stood awkwardly in the corner of the square, a plastic bag containing Vegetarian Ramen dropped on the ground. Anna's bare hands were red from the cold, numb and unfeeling. She remained frozen in place, crying uncontrollably.
I heard all the songs you sang.
I understood everything you wanted to say.
But there really is no way... What are we supposed to do...
I miss you so much. Only now do I realize that I never truly looked at you,
never truly listened to you,
never truly embraced you,
thinking you would never leave, never return to that place I could never reach.
How foolish, how naive.
If intelligence is a nature and kindness is merely a choice, in this choice, unable to abandon the nature of kindness, the two of them must face such separation and confront the more tragedies that may occur in their future lives.
I don't know how long it has been. Anna tried hard to move her fingertips; her face felt like it had formed a layer of ice, completely numb. She picked up the scattered items from the ground and slowly walked toward home. The square had unknowingly started playing advertisements, and people began to disperse.
She wiped away the tears remaining on her face. Just then, her phone rang.
Slowly taking out her phone, it was a call from Park Chan-yeol.
"That's good," Anna thought, feeling somewhat relieved that she had already shed all the tears she could today, so she wouldn't waver anymore.
"Hey, Chan-yeol," Anna said with a gentle smile.
"I sang your favorite song. Did you hear it?"
Anna nodded. "Oh, I heard it."
"It seems I haven't fulfilled many of the promises I made to you. I wanted to at least sing one of your favorite songs before leaving EXO. That's what I promised you. Also, I'm officially leaving tomorrow."
"Oh, thank you, Chan-yeol."
A silence began to fill the phone line.
A vast emptiness, yet filled with countless unspoken words.
"Don't you have anything to say to me?" Park Chan-yeol asked softly.
"Brother Canlie..." Anna called out softly, her nose tinged with sadness. "I promised I would call you that. Although it's the first time, it will probably be the last... Do you think we can still be friends in the future?"
There was a rustling sound on the other end, and after a long pause, Park Chan-yeol slowly replied, "I don't think so. I can't do that."
Tears that had already dried up nearly fell again for Anna. "Okay, I understand."
If there was deep love, how could they be friends without acknowledging the love after parting? The only way to forget would be to resolutely never meet again.
"Chan-yeol..."
"Yeah?"
"Chan-yeol..."
"Oh..." Park Chan-yeol's voice trembled faintly.
"I... I... I'm hanging up."
"Oh, okay."
"Okay."
The phone slowly moved away from her ear. Anna looked at the time on the screen, which continued to tick away, thinking of Park Chan-yeol on the other end, waiting for the call to end. Tears blurred her vision, dripping onto the screen.
"I love you..." Anna whispered, a delicate confession that only she could hear, as she gently pressed the hang-up button.
Anna wiped away her tears again, feeling the cold wind against her face, and continued her walk home.
In youthful times, if you fall in love with someone like that, please, please treat them gently. Regardless of whether this relationship is long or short, it will become the most flawless beauty you reflect upon in later years. Although at this age, lamenting the length of life may seem somewhat pretentious, it still needs to be said: life is only a few decades long; why not have the courage to love wholeheartedly?
This reckless love often does not end beautifully, but at least the sweetness and pain within it can make one feel truly alive in this world.
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