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墨書 Inktalez
She didn't kill me, nor did she treat me like a bet in Russian roulette like others did. I was led back home like a dog.
She sized me up, and I looked at her.
"Chinese? Korean? Or Japanese?" she asked in English. "It can't be Indian or Thai, right? Can you understand English?"
"Korean," I replied. It seemed I hadn't spoken in a long time, and when I finally did, it felt a bit awkward.
Her teasing expression clearly showed some change.
"Alright," she smiled and began speaking to me in somewhat clumsy Korean. "My name is Nanya, I'm also Korean. You can call me Cat. What about you? What's your name?"
"I... I don't know."
Cat walked around me, glancing at the Johnny Walker on the table. "From today on, you'll be called Hogga."
I didn't say anything as she stepped forward and unfastened the chain around my neck.
"This is Germany; you can't escape. From now on, you'll follow me."
I thought she really did see me as her pet dog, giving me a name and food. Her money came from that German man, and the cost was obvious—he liked girls in their teens, and this teenage girl needed money. It was that simple.
Everyone wants their pet to look good; she spent a lot of money on my plastic surgery, yet I still had nothing much to say to her except nodding or shaking my head.
I was wrapped in bandages; it cost a fortune. She said it was what she won. At twelve, she got involved with that German man. He was wealthy, but most of his money was dirty. She spent it without guilt, regarding it as a way to resolve her troubles. Without him, she couldn't survive in this foreign country. After smuggling herself here, her father died before he could even reach the shore. That German man gave her a German identity and money that only required her to lie there naked to earn. She smoked a cigarette and continued, saying that when she was just over thirteen, she got pregnant—something that couldn't be exposed. The German man bought abortion pills for her; after taking them, she bled heavily and called a private doctor. Although she managed to keep her name, she could never bear children again.
"Do you know how painful that is?" she asked.
Of course, I didn't know; I wasn't a woman. Moreover, my pain—the kind that couldn't be expressed to anyone—was beyond description, even worse than death.
"You don't talk," she said unhappily and stopped speaking further.
Why did she buy me and say these things? I had no time to think; my mind was tightly wrapped in hatred, a complete and utter anger, a desperate kind of hate. My heart had long since vanished, so I couldn't feel her pain.
But perhaps she wasn't as despicable as I initially thought.
When the bandages were removed, my face was still somewhat swollen. In the mirror was a completely unfamiliar face, one that struggled to show any expression. Aside from the most basic smile, there was only endless indifference. And my hair, for some unknown reason, had turned completely gray.
I had finally transformed into a different person; Park Yoon-chun was dead, and the person before me was Hogga, reborn in Germany.
"Quite handsome," she said.
Still not fully healed, how could I possibly be associated with handsomeness?
At that moment, all I wanted to know was what their expressions would be when I appeared before them with this face again. It would surely be more terrifying than seeing a ghost.
Bang!!
The door was kicked open violently, and a German man stormed in, reeking of alcohol. He grabbed Cat by the neck, and I wisely stepped aside and sat down, intending to ignore everything. After all, I didn't want to witness those lewd scenes that made me feel nauseous.
However, things did not go as I expected. My cosmetic surgery had cost an exorbitant amount of money, far exceeding what the German man believed Cat's worth to be. He was furious, holding a knife to Cat's neck, ready to take her life at any moment.
And this woman was truly foolish; first, she spent so much money to make her pet look beautiful, and second, at this moment, she acted as if her brain had short-circuited. Instead of begging for mercy on her knees, she deliberately provoked him. Did she want to die? A little intimacy in bed would have calmed the German man down immediately.
I slowly stood up and went to the kitchen to grab a sharp knife.
The knife pierced the skin; warm red blood splattered onto my hand and face. The metallic scent made me nauseous. He fell to the ground, convulsing for a moment before going still.
Blood stained the carpet beneath him while Cat stood frozen in place, terrified beyond belief.
I wondered if she would hate me after all; after all, I had killed her benefactor.
Yet I smiled slightly because the feeling of killing was truly wonderful. I could hardly wait for more, but I knew I still needed to endure.
"Go secretly burn the carpet, clean the floor, and throw the knife with the stones into the river. You should be able to handle it," I said to the dazed Cat.
"Okay, okay."
I bought Nitric Acid, dragged the body to the bathroom. Since the carotid artery had already been severed, there was much less blood during dismemberment. The bones were too hard; I exerted a lot of effort to chop them into pieces, tossing each one into the bathtub, filling it with Nitric Acid and covering it with a board. I knew that in two days, everything about this person would disappear from this world.
When the police arrived, they did not ask too many questions. Cat was extremely calm at that moment, showing no signs of panic. There were many girls like Cat around the German Man; he was homeless, and this was not the first time someone had gone missing. Every time he didn't return home for more than forty-eight hours, that aging, unattractive, out-of-shape fat woman at his house would find her way to the police station. So they were too lazy to care.
Cat probably knew why that German Man had vanished without a trace. She didn’t ask; she should have been clear in her heart whether I was still her pet.
Obedient, gentle, cute, and beautiful are what pets should be.
And I had always been a dangerous beast from the very beginning. Those who have gazed into the eyes of a beast will also fall into it...
I started fighting in the ring. Every time I was on stage, Cat would smoke incessantly. She used to come to the Underground Bar with that German Man; no one dared to provoke them. Now that her backing had completely disappeared, she must have felt somewhat nervous.
"Are you going to die?" After each victory, when I collapsed on the ground half-dead, she would always ask this question and then put her unfinished cigarette in my mouth.
I took a puff and coughed violently; my throat was filled with blood. I didn’t know if my lungs had been damaged.
"I won't die," I said with a swollen face and a smile.
During lonely times, we would also engage in intimacy, but it had nothing to do with 'love,' so I wouldn't call it '***.' At most, it was a means of releasing our suppressed feelings. I wouldn’t be melodramatic like those portrayed in movies and think of the woman beneath me as my beloved; after all, my beloved woman should not be defiled like this.
In my dreams, countless awakenings were triggered by that explosion, that Heavy Rain—my mother's charred face, Yura's beauty turned into sheer terror in her eyes, and that gunshot sound. Hiding in the darkness, I saw an invincible hole in Yura's skull. The horrific wails and Park Anqing's upward-curving lips...
Ah!!!
I held my head; I was about to explode too. My wings needed to grow stronger to break through these nightmares.
"Why did you take so long?" Cat was sitting on the sofa in the lounge, applying bright lipstick. When she saw me return, she put the lipstick away in her bag.
"I’m sick," I said, settling comfortably on the sofa.
Cat brought two glasses of wine, handed me one, and smiled. "What’s wrong? Is it your head or your stomach?"
"Cancer," I replied calmly after taking a sip of wine.
Cat paused for a moment, raising her eyebrows. "Is it treatable?"
"Not really. Just waiting to die; it's only a matter of time."
"And how long is that? Sixty years? You've lived enough."
"Five years, at most five years. Frank said so; he shouldn't be joking about this."
Cat set down her glass. For some reason, her hands trembled slightly as she pulled out a cigarette, tried several times to light it with her lighter, and finally managed to ignite it, exhaling a puff of smoke.
"What kind of cancer? There are so many these days. You've been on the brink of death so many times over the years, and nothing happened," Cat said.
"They say it's a branch-like vascular tumor. I think I should get a raccoon to keep as a pet," I joked.
"A raccoon? Why? Is that going to cure your illness?" Cat asked.
She really had no sense of humor at all. I chuckled lightly and decided not to pursue the topic further.
"I'm going back to Korea," I said.
"Isn't that a bit early? Didn't you say that Jin Yu Cheng's Century Group has too much influence in Korea now? Any moves you make could easily attract his attention."
"I don't care about him anymore. There's no time left. Besides, Park Group is on the decline; I can't just wait until that old man passes away. That would be too easy on him."
"Alright."
"How about you?"
"Me?"
"I will leave some money for you, but if you need it, I hope you can come to Korea to help me keep an eye on some things."
Cat smiled coldly, "Then I might as well go with you."
"Can't bear to part with me."
"Yeah, I'm afraid if you die, I won't get the money."
"Greedy woman."
She chuckled, stood up, grabbed her bag, and walked out the door. "I have a date to pay for."
"Goodbye."
As the door closed, I took out my phone and contacted those shadows I could trust over the years. They are called 'shadows' because each of them has various identities. These people are simple; just pay them, and they can help with anything.
In every country, there are people who wish for those who obstruct them to quietly disappear. Every day there are so many accidents; are these accidents really accidental?
There was not much luggage to pack. I don't even know if I can return to Germany.
Frank prepared six months' worth of medication for me and advised me to return to Berlin every month for check-ups and to communicate my condition with him at all times. I promised him verbally, but I hardly have that time anymore.
My time is running out.
I bought an abandoned church in the suburbs and transformed it into a villa. This place is where I seek my own redemption. Cat bought a bar, which follows the rules she set. This woman seems to be developing her own way more and more. Park Anqing will return to Korea soon; I need to prepare to wait for his arrival here, allowing him to return home. That counts as mercy on my part. It’s not difficult to find news about Park Chan-yeol; even his young female fans can easily get his schedule. I watched him laughing happily on TV. The day after returning to Korea, I sat in the car, rolled down the window, and saw my younger brother Chan-yeol, whom I hadn't seen in a long time, walking out of the SBS building. He hadn’t changed much from when he was a child; still fair and clean, after all, he is a young master from a wealthy family and now a popular star—his luck is really good, good enough for me to hate him even more.
He entered a convenience store and seemed to see someone familiar—a girl who was sleeping with her head on the table. After a while, he woke up the girl who was having a nightmare. From Park Chan-yeol's expression, I noticed something interesting.
He liked that girl.
The way he looked at her was exactly the same as how I looked at Yura back then.
This added a lot of interest to my actions this time. How wonderful.
The girl stepped out, pushed the door open, and as the morning mist dissipated, sunlight fell on her face. What I saw were a pair of extremely beautiful black eyes, just like Yura's.
I smiled, finally understanding why Park Chan-yeol had such an expression when he gazed at her. It wasn't just me who was trapped by that memory. We were all ensnared by the terrifying black insects born from that memory, slowly gnawing at our hands and feet.
This was truly a surprising discovery.
Everything I had was destroyed, and only by inflicting this destruction upon them could I find some peace when I died. Otherwise, with their dazzling smiles, how could my pain ever be soothed?
How could my nightmares dissipate?
After interacting with Anna Zheng a few times, I wondered if it weren't for her appearing beside Park Chan-yeol that morning, if I had only seen this girl in the vast sea of people, I might not have noticed her existence at all.
I had seen too many beautiful girls, and she was not one of those stunning beauties.
Was she similar to Yura?
Yes and no.
She was much smarter than I had thought, but I always knew how to dispel her suspicions and make her rely on my presence.
She often unknowingly walked into various dangers, and beside her was a constant threat—her younger brother, Zheng Andy. Not long after arriving in Korea, Zheng Andy approached me to help him deal with some people; some were orders from Jin Yu Cheng, while others were actually Zheng Andy's personal matters. At such a young age, how he reached his current position, I think I could guess.
However, Jiang Zhenyuan and her brother Jiang Yan—this matter didn't need him to say; I would ensure they disappeared completely.
No one could destroy my prey before my actions.
Before returning to Korea, I must make sure everything is in order here.
When I saw Anna Zheng's name flashing on my phone screen, I smiled; this call came later than I expected.
"Hogga, did you kill Miss Choi?"
Her intuition was quite sharp. I just smiled and asked, "Do you think I would kill someone for you?"
She fell silent; she was too insecure.
Anyone who could interfere with my plans would receive their due punishment, and the arrogant Miss Choi was no exception.
When Park Chan-yeol saw me, he was slightly moved. After all, we had been brothers playing together for so many years. When he stared into my eyes, I truly thought he might almost recognize me. That would be terrible.
I knew they were already together and how they escaped from the fire caused by Kim Mi-kyung. Anna Zheng was far braver than I had imagined. Outside the villa, when I saw her friends come to rescue her, I was somewhat surprised by how calmly she arranged her escape plan.
"Your little friend is more capable than you think," Cat said with a smirk as we watched the scene from the car.
I smiled slightly but didn't speak.
There was a strange feeling in my heart that I couldn't quite explain. It had been many years since anything had been unclear to me; it was quite interesting.
However, while Park Chan-yeol had truly become her boyfriend, it was I who received her call for help.
When I saw her curled up in a corner of the park, covered in blood and only wearing a thin shirt while holding that big dog, the image of Yura collapsing flashed before my eyes—blood splattered everywhere, leaving only a pool of crimson on the ground.
At that moment, my hand suddenly throbbed with pain.
Fortunately, fortunately, she didn't see it; thankfully, the pain was very brief.
But to be so heartbroken over a dog, I truly couldn't understand. However, to gain her further trust, I naturally wouldn't voice those thoughts.
Perhaps the only two honest words I said to her, aside from my name, were that day in Seoul when the first snow fell; I really wanted to see her.
The reason I returned to Berlin midway was that old man Park Anqing wouldn't be back in Korea anytime soon, and also because those bark-like mutations had spread from my elbows to my wrists.
It looked terrible.
I looked at the disgusting skin on my arms; it was truly nauseating.
I wondered what expression Anna Zheng would have upon seeing me like this—disgust, sympathy, or perhaps some surprise. Regardless of which, I would rather she felt fear when she saw me than disgust or sympathy.
"You haven't fallen for your little friend, have you?" Cat asked.
That wasn't a question she should be asking; we only had a parasitic relationship.
I gave a cold smile and said nothing. I had no need to explain anything to this woman.
I wanted to whistle to call the Sheepdog from afar, but because I was wearing gloves, I couldn't make a sound; I had completely forgotten how. Cat and I sat on a small hillside south of Koslief. On the other side of the slope, the spruces were lush and green, swaying gently like waves of green sea. The house in Koslief had changed owners because I said that when I returned here, it would be for my burial. I told Cat to remember to collect my body and bury me on this hill.
Cat said, "Then let's sell the house. After burying you here, I'll go somewhere else. I don't want to guard your dirt mound."
"Okay," I said with a smile, taking the cigarette from her hand and sticking it into the ground. "Right here; just bury me here."
"Alright, I'll grant you that," Cat said with a smile, turning her face away so I could no longer see her expression.
What a heartless woman; perhaps it was better this way. If feelings developed, it would be hard to let go, and that would complicate things. It had been a while since I'd seen Frank; he had gained some weight and seemed happy when he saw me despite announcing that my condition was worsening quickly.
"Can't you show a little sympathy? I'm about to die."
"Weren't you already mentally prepared for death? Do you need my sympathy?"
"Of course not," I replied. "By the way, give this check to Cat after I'm gone."
Frank looked at the astonishingly high numbers above with surprise and confusion. "Why not hand it to her personally?"
"If I give it to that woman now, she'll definitely ruin it," I replied.
"Are you not afraid that I might pocket this money for myself?" Frank joked.
This guy only dares to be cheeky; his courage only shows when he's performing surgery.
"Alright, then I'll come to you every night to ask for it," I said.
"My God," he exclaimed. "Okay, I got it. I'll take care of it. Also, your medication is ready; you can go pick it up."
"Got it, Frank."
Sitting on the plane back to Korea, the frequency of the excruciating pain was becoming more and more frequent. My time really is running out; I want to hold her. The gloves on my hands will never be taken off in front of her. I want to see Park Anqing suffer and die before me; I want to completely shatter the Park Family.
I want to know if, when she learns the truth, she will feel even a little bit of sadness and sorrow when I die in front of her...
Have I fallen in love with her?
If she hadn't happened to be by Park Chan-yeol's side that morning...
Well, I don't know, until death...
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