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墨書 Inktalez
Zhong Kui's Diary
“It’s a private number.” Zhang Dingcheng nodded at us and pressed the speakerphone button.
“Boss Zhang, did you sleep well last night?” A familiar voice from Mr. Qian came through the phone.
Since both Zhang Dingcheng and Leizu Wu were involved in some matters with Mr. Qian, Zhang Dingcheng was quite straightforward: “Is this Mr. Qian? My son Zhang Hao is in your hands, right? How much ransom do you want? How do we proceed?”
Mr. Qian paused for a moment, then coldly snorted: “Is Zhong Zhengnan next to you?”
“Yes, Mr. Qian.” I cleared my throat, surprised at how quick-witted Mr. Qian was.
“What you’re doing is truly unethical!” Mr. Qian laughed heartily, then pretended to sigh dramatically: “Do you know what this feels like? It’s like I’m about to watch a suspense drama, and just as it starts, you point at someone and say he’s the murderer… or like there’s a beautiful woman lying in bed waiting for me to gallop over, and you suddenly come in and say she has an STD. Zhong Zhengnan, do you understand my anger? No, I must punish you.”
“Can I apologize instead? We’re all acquaintances here; let’s skip the punishment.” I tried not to provoke him since he had two hostages on hand.
“I, Mr. Qian, always keep my word; punishment is necessary. Let me think… how about you tell me a joke that makes me laugh out loud?” Mr. Qian chuckled: “Such a punishment should be considered humane, right?”
Suddenly, the sharp insult from Brother Long popped into my head—“I’ll fuck your sister; reading ten thousand books is like having divine insight.” Could it get any more absurd? You’re kidnapping someone! This is serious business, and you want me to tell you a joke? Seriously?
However, since he made a request, I had no choice but to comply. I racked my brain for jokes, but the more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t remember a single one. Damn it! What’s going on! Usually when browsing joke websites, I’d see jokes I’ve read before; now that it’s my turn, I’m completely speechless with nothing in my head—not even any slightly interesting internet events.
Just as I was struggling with this dilemma, Fatty’s lewd smile suddenly flashed in my mind. It felt like seeing a bright light in the pitch-black night; no, that analogy doesn’t capture my excitement—more like an old pervert who had been imprisoned for ten years finally seeing the pink lights of a brothel by the roadside… cough cough, all I need to do is recall some of Fatty’s quotes, right? Although they’re somewhat vulgar, who cares as long as they’re funny?
Clearing my throat, a joke slipped out: “A girl called to consult a male specialist because her boyfriend was too big down there. The doctor asked her how big it was. The girl hesitated and said it was about the size of toothpaste. The doctor immediately got angry and said, ‘Have you watched too many Western adult films? For an Eastern man’s size, that’s already impressive!’”
At this point, I intentionally paused before continuing: “The girl timidly asked if he had seen the toothpaste in hotels?”
As soon as I finished speaking, Mr. Qian burst into laughter and laughed for quite a while before gasping: “Damn! I thought you were going to mention some children’s toothpaste or something; I didn’t expect it to be hotel toothpaste! Hahaha! Alright then, that joke is good enough; we’ll consider your punishment settled.”
"What should we do next?" I sighed in relief, glancing at Lei Zhang and the others. They also wore strange expressions, seemingly wanting to laugh, but couldn't because they were worried about their son.
"Hey, what else can we do? You and Ling Ju continue to deliver the ransom for me," Mr. Qian chuckled.
"I'm sorry, but Ling Ju has something going on and probably can't participate," I said with a wry smile.
"What? He won't join such a joyful occasion? Is he crazy?" Mr. Qian immediately became furious.
"He's been feeling a bit down lately, too much work pressure, you know how it is," I made up an excuse. "He almost had a heart attack yesterday."
"How he dies is none of my business. I'm warning you, it has to be both of you involved, or I'll tear up the ransom!" Mr. Qian said firmly.
"Alright, I'll call him over later!" I smiled bitterly again.
"Mr. Qian, how much ransom should I prepare?" Zhang Dingcheng suddenly asked loudly. "I need to gather the money."
"Not much, just one million one hundred ten thousand," Mr. Qian replied with a smile.
"What about mine?" Leizu Wu asked hurriedly upon hearing that Zhang Dingcheng needed one million one hundred ten thousand.
"Who are you?" Mr. Qian seemed a bit surprised.
"I'm Leizu Wu. Is my son Ray Yu also in your hands?" Leizu Wu quickly responded.
"Leizu Wu, huh? Yes, Ray Yu is indeed in my hands, but it's not your turn yet; just wait over there for now," Mr. Qian said cheerfully. "However, you can prepare the money first—one million two hundred thousand. Same old rules: one million two hundred thousand in unmarked bills without any issues."
Leizu Wu needed one million two hundred thousand, Zhang Dingcheng needed one million one hundred ten thousand, while Zhou Mu Yang only needed one million. For these three wealthy individuals, this amount of money was nothing significant. But why did Mr. Qian set these levels? Was his goal just to become a millionaire?
"This amount shouldn't be an issue for Boss Zhang; giving you a morning to gather it should be enough. I'll contact you again at noon." With that, Mr. Qian laughed and hung up the phone.
While Zhang Dingcheng was out raising funds, I called Kong Xuan to come over. Now Fatty had to stay home as a caretaker, and Lingfeng couldn't show up, so I could only ask Kong Xuan for help. I thought that since Mr. Qian insisted on Lingfeng getting involved, why not have Kong Xuan change his facial features to resemble Lingfeng? This shouldn't be too difficult for a Master-Level expert. Kong Xuan hesitated for a moment on the phone, saying he would need Qingcheng's assistance.
By noon, Zhang Dingcheng had already brought the cash over. One hundred and ten bundles of one-hundred-yuan bills were neatly stacked in the Safe, all old notes. Along with Zhang Dingcheng was Lingfeng, dressed in casual clothes.
I was somewhat surprised and pulled Lingfeng aside. "Hey, didn't you say you wouldn't get involved? Why are you here?"
Lingfeng grinned at me. "I'm the Public Security Bureau Chief; it's my duty to risk everything for the people of Star City. Besides, fighting against evil forces is my responsibility. I have to live up to the National Emblem above me and those Flower Stars on my shoulders."
His words sounded very grandiose, but it felt quite unnatural to me. When did Lingfeng learn to speak like this? Moreover, he kept referring to himself as "I," which reminded me a bit of Fatty. I suspiciously glanced at Lingfeng's belly, confirming that this person was not Fatty in disguise, and suddenly realized, "Damn, so it's you, Cow Nose!"
Lingfeng chuckled. "How about it? Can you tell it's a fake?"
"Not bad, not bad. Is this Qingcheng's masterpiece?" I laughed. The person before me was indeed Kong Xuan.
Kong Xuan raised an eyebrow. "It's mainly because I'm a good actor; I resemble him well. Understood?"
Returning to the living room, Zhang Dingcheng and his wife were sitting there smoking, looking somewhat dazed, while Old Zhang knew that the kidnappers wouldn't contact him for now and had gone back home.
"You really only need one million one hundred thousand from Mr. Qian?" Old Zhang couldn't help but ask when he saw me approach.
"Well, Zhou Mu Yang's son was exchanged for a ransom of one million," I could only reassure him.
Just as Old Zhang was about to say something else, Zhang Dingcheng's phone rang. He put it on speakerphone, and Mr. Qian's cheerful voice came through: "Boss Zhang, is the money ready?"
"It's ready!" Zhang Dingcheng quickly replied. "One hundred and ten thousand is all in the Safe. The Safe's code is 69."
"Zhong Zhengnan, are you there?" Mr. Qian chuckled lightly.
"I'm here!" I answered.
"Do you still have the phone I gave you last time?" Mr. Qian asked.
"I have it with me!"
"Alright, you two take the money and head to the train station first," Mr. Qian said with a smile. "It's twelve-thirty now, and I'll call you at one o'clock. As usual, if you're not there on time, I'll be very angry. If I get angry, the consequences will be serious. You wouldn't want to see a bomb go off in such a crowded place like the train station, Director Ling, would you?"
"I wouldn't want that!" Kong Xuan replied vaguely.
"Okay then, see you at one," Mr. Qian said with a laugh before hanging up.
The Dragon Rising Prosperity District is not far from the train station; usually, it takes about ten minutes by car. Even if they hit red lights at every intersection, it would take at most twenty minutes to arrive. It seems that Mr. Qian is not deliberately making things difficult for us; perhaps he knows that traffic control is no longer effective.
Kong Xuan was driving Lingfeng's SUV, and they sped along, arriving at the train station by twelve-fifty. Looking at the bustling crowd inside the station, a sense of irritation crossed my mind. Damn, what if this Mr. Qian is a lunatic and actually sets off a bomb at the train station? I really don't know how many people would die.
Both lit a cigarette, and I glanced back at the safe, noticing the LV logo on it. I casually remarked, "Rich people these days are impressive. This safe looks just like any other safe, but with an LV logo on it, it must cost several thousand dollars. After you deal with the criminals, can you ask them to return the case to us?"
Kong Xuan chuckled and said, "If you treat LV as something important, then it is; if you don't care about it, then it's not. After all, this stuff is mostly made in China and isn't really worth bragging about. These foreigners are simply a bunch of animals; we make our own products, they slap their labels on them and sell them back to us at outrageous prices!"
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