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墨書 Inktalez
After numerous failures, Brother joined me once again for the High School Entrance Exam. As expected, he failed again. Meanwhile, I achieved third place in the county and was admitted to County First High School!
However, my parents conveyed my grandfather's "highest directive": "Let Fu Lai take the 'Burdensome Child' admission notice to school! Even if I have to break my old bones, I will support him! My eldest grandson will have a bright future; he could even go to Zhongnanhai to captain a big ship!"
When it was revealed that my admission notice was useless to others, the old man decided: " Fu Lai will repeat the year, and the 'Burdensome Child' will follow along in Junior High School to help Fu Lai! If Fu Lai gets accepted next year, she can ride on his coattails to high school. If Fu Lai doesn't get in, she shouldn't even think about studying anymore."
I returned from the county's Junior High to the rural Junior High, where I not only had to assist my brother, who was struggling academically, but also help with herding sheep, feeding chickens, and cutting pigweed.
Principal Uncle couldn't bear it and came to speak on my behalf: "They're just kids; let Fu Lai do some chores at home too!"
My grandfather stubbornly retorted: "I'm over seventy and this is my only grandson; how can I let him do rough work!"
A tumultuous year passed. By heaven's grace, my brother managed to get into high school, albeit the worst one in the county—still labeled as a "High-Priced Student." My grandfather organized a banquet to show off that his eldest grandson had "passed the exam"! I finally got into high school as well.
The difference was that while my brother's living expenses were fully covered by the family, mine had to be self-funded. During winter and summer breaks, I worked at a restaurant as a waitress serving plates while also sweeping floors, wiping tables, and washing dishes—doing two people's work for one person's pay. It was exhausting, and at night I had to cram for English lessons back at the dormitory.
I don't know if others feel this way, but children from rural backgrounds often struggle with English comprehension and acceptance. In my first semester, I barely passed English, which dragged down my class ranking: out of fifty-four students, I placed thirty-second.
That wasn't even the worst part. At this time, my body began to develop; everything that should have grown did grow. Spending most of my time at school made my skin fair like that of a city dweller.
The restaurant owner was in his forties, short and plump like a gas can that had come to life. His gaze towards me was sharp as if he wanted to poke holes in me.
"Girl," he said, "you have to walk back to school alone at night; it's tough and unsafe. We have a storage room in the back kitchen; I'll tidy it up for you so you can stay there!"
I was overwhelmed with gratitude. Little did I know that after closing that night, he lingered instead of leaving and shamelessly asked me: "Are you scared being here alone? Uncle will stay with you!"
As he spoke, he tried to push me onto the small bed! Fortunately, I wasn't weak!
Fortunately, I wasn't scared silly! I grabbed a kitchen knife and pressed it against my neck, saying, "If you come any closer, I'll do it!" Thankfully, this bastard had a greedy heart but not enough courage.
I forced the beastly boss back and ran like a madman toward the school with the knife in hand. Once back in the dormitory, I buried my head in my pillow and cried, then lay on my bed shivering with fever! I was alone in the entire dorm, and my headache felt like it was going to split my skull open. I wanted to reach for the water cup on the desk but fell off the bed without the strength to get back up.
When I opened my eyes again, I didn't know how much time had passed, only to find myself lying in a hospital bed. My parents were gathered around me, their faces filled with joy.
The scene of me brandishing the knife at night was witnessed by passersby, and someone called the police. The officers traced my movements back to the restaurant, where the ill-intentioned boss was terrified and confessed everything. While handcuffing him, they came to our school and, with the guard's guidance, found me unconscious and took me to the hospital.
The charge against the restaurant owner was attempted rape, which usually carried a sentence of three to ten years. However, my parents signed a letter of understanding because the boss's family was willing to compensate them with thirty thousand yuan! They were overjoyed in front of me, not because I hadn't been harmed but because they saw "commercial value" in me.
At that time, our family was really poor. My brother's high school sponsorship fees alone cost three thousand yuan. This wasteful child came from a humble background but spent money like a big shot. He learned to smoke from his well-off classmates and wouldn't settle for cheap cigarettes; at least he smoked Yuxi. His monthly cigarette expenses equaled two months' worth of my living expenses.
My parents struggled more and more to support both of us in school; it became increasingly painful for them. As I entered my senior year of high school, my English improved rapidly, and my overall grades were among the top five.
"Your grandfather said that girls don't need an education. You're old enough now; you should understand your parents' hardships. Your sisters are doing well down south; you should go too!"
I was terrified! If I stopped studying now, my life could be over—forever! If I had never left the village and didn't know what the outside world was like, it might have been fine. But after spending five years in the county town, those experiences were enough to shape my worldview!
The principal once again pleaded with my parents: "Liu Ya's grades are too good to waste! She has what it takes to be a top scholar!"
"Who has ever seen a female top scholar? My family only needs one person to study; it's enough for a boy to bring honor to our ancestors," my grandfather said dismissively.
"At least let Liu Ya finish high school. If she doesn't get into college, she won't have any regrets, and she won't blame anyone in the future!"
My parents suddenly became serious. "Finishing high school is fine, but you have to agree to one condition!"
I felt as if I had grasped a lifeline. "I'll agree to any condition!"
"If you can't get into college by then, you have to marry the son of Lai Laoxing's Family!"
I was not even sixteen, and the son of Lai Laoxing's Family was older than my eldest sister!
I opened my mouth but couldn't find the words.
"Be straightforward, okay? If not, we'll go to school tomorrow to get your things. If you agree, you can continue to finish high school!" My grandfather pressed on.
Principal Uncle's lips trembled. "You... you... this is how you treated Daya back then; how can you..."
"Fine, I agree!"
I gritted my teeth to keep the tears from falling.
At school, I worked hard to make every teacher feel sorry for me.
I woke up at five in the morning to study English and memorize vocabulary. After the dormitory supervisor checked in at night, I would pull the curtains, turn on my small bedside lamp, and study until midnight.
However, to prevent me from attending college, my family cut my already meager living expenses in half again.
In the morning, I dared only to eat a steamed bun with a bit of pickled vegetables; I couldn't even afford a bowl of noodle soup. At noon, I had just a plate of plain noodles, and at night, I drank a bowl of noodle broth...
Yet, the living expenses were still insufficient.
The school required payment for college entrance exam registration and medical examination fees, but I only had a few bills left!
When Grandma passed away, my eldest sister gave me a hundred yuan and a business card with her elegant name: Jiang Chunying! It had a landline number on it.
I went to the school's administration office and dialed the number on the card.
"Who is this..."
The voice on the other end was cold.
"Sister..."
" Xiao Liu? Is that you?" The tone on the other end suddenly warmed up.
I covered the receiver and cried uncontrollably.
The next day, Principal Uncle came to school and handed me a bank card. "Liu Ya, study hard and don't give up halfway like your older sister did! This is money from her; she said you can spend it freely, and if you run out, just let her know!"
As the college entrance exam approached, I became increasingly anxious. If I failed, I would have to marry that ugly man who was much older than my sister! I would rather die than face that fate!
I started suffering from insomnia and felt lost. I knew this wasn't sustainable, but I couldn't control my state of mind. The lack of sleep led to excruciating headaches, and when I did manage to fall asleep, nightmares would wake me up in tears. I dreamed countless times of a strange old man coming to take me away in a wedding procession; I couldn't scream or move. I also dreamt of sharing a bed with a man resembling Zhu Bajie, his drool dripping from his yellowed teeth onto my face...
I was at my wit's end; enduring this agony felt worse than death itself. I began seeking sleeping pills from the school doctor, taking half a pill at a time and saving them day by day.
With just three weeks left until the exam, I had accumulated a decent supply of sleeping pills. My grandmother, who cared for me the most, had passed away. Principal Uncle was kind to me, but after all, I wasn't his child! My sister's address was in Beijing—too far away.
So, I decided not to disturb anyone! After school that afternoon, I nervously asked my homeroom teacher for leave, saying I wouldn't attend evening study sessions. Alone in the dormitory, I wrote a farewell letter:
"My matters have nothing to do with the school! —I don't want my parents using me to make trouble with the school!"
I told Principal Uncle: "In my next life, I'll be reborn into your family as your child!"
I told my sister: " Xiao Liu is terrified and can't hold on any longer!"
As for everyone else, whatever happened to them was their concern.
I lay quietly on my bed, waiting. As sleepiness washed over me, I thought I heard someone calling my name—not "Burdensome Child," not "Debt Collector," not "Six-Tailed," nor "Liuduo," but repeatedly calling " Xiao Liu!"
I felt my body lift as if some force was carrying me upward and onward. But my sister held onto me tightly, refusing to let go: " Xiao Liu! Xiao Liu! Open your eyes; it's me, your sister!"
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