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墨書 Inktalez
Living Funeral
Gao Ling and I spoke in hushed tones as the waiter beckoned us to sit down.
Gao Ling gently waved his hand backward, signaling the waiter to leave. The waiter, quick on the uptake, understood immediately and departed. Once he was gone, Gao Ling called out to Mr. Xu.
Mr. Xu chuckled and invited us to take a seat.
Gao Ling and I quickly settled down. I took a moment to observe the person sitting next to Mr. Xu. He had silver-gray hair, wore a traditional Tang suit, sported a pair of sunglasses, and held a fan adorned with landscapes. It was clear he was someone who practiced fortune-telling.
After sitting down, Gao Ling got straight to the point: "Mr. Xu, did you call us here to discuss something important?"
Mr. Xu replied, "Wait a moment; let’s order first." He reached out and turned the table, bringing the menu in front of us. Without even glancing at it, Gao Ling said, "We'll have ten of the most expensive dishes here, make sure to include both meat and vegetables." After that, he turned to Mr. Xu and asked if it was alright now.
Mr. Xu seemed momentarily taken aback, and I was too; I hadn’t expected Gao Ling to order like that. Clearly, he thought since it wasn’t his money being spent, he wouldn’t feel any regret.
Mr. Xu's lips moved slightly before he said, "You’re truly the first person I’ve seen order like this."
Gao Ling replied, "Isn’t it convenient to order this way?"
Mr. Xu awkwardly smiled and said nothing more; he simply ordered a cigar. After the waiter left, Gao Ling spoke up again: "Let’s get down to business."
Mr. Xu said, "The business isn’t about me; it’s about the Master."
Gao Ling asked, "Master, do you have any instructions for us?" However, the Master remained silent, opening his folding fan to create a breeze. Gao Ling turned to Mr. Xu and said, "Is the Master unable to speak?"
"Master is just lost in thought," Mr. Xu said.
I remained silent.
I turned to Gao Ling and suggested that we should wait a bit longer.
Time passed slowly as I watched the master gently wave the folding fan in his hand, each movement heightening my anxiety. I struggled to suppress it. Before long, the dishes were served, and I began to suspect that this con artist was testing our patience—or perhaps he was simply playing tricks on us.
Or maybe he had fallen asleep.
Once the food arrived, Mr. Xu gestured for us to start eating. Neither Gao Ling nor I hesitated; since the old man refused to speak, we decided to dig in ourselves. We hadn’t eaten all day, and just as I finished my first bowl of rice, the master finally spoke up. "You two are both extraordinary individuals—one carries fire in your destiny, and the other carries water. Logically, you should be incompatible, yet here you are, getting along so well."
The master's sudden remark left both Gao Ling and me momentarily stunned.
However, we quickly regained our composure. Gao Ling replied, "Master, we came here to discuss the details of your funeral, and instead, you’re reading our fortunes."
After hearing this, the master gently stroked his beard and said, "I'm offering you a free reading, and you're not pleased?"
Gao Ling retorted, "If you had something nice to say, we would certainly be happy. But starting off with 'water and fire are incompatible'—that’s not exactly comforting!"
The master chuckled, seemingly pleased to have encountered someone interesting today. Gao Ling added, "I may not be extraordinary, but my last name is Gao."
The master didn’t respond to Gao Ling's comment but turned to me instead. "What do you think?"
I replied that my views aligned with his.
The master remained silent and began to eat. Mr. Xu said, "Let's all eat together." Gao Ling and I resumed our meal, and after finishing, Gao Ling said, "If you don't hurry up, we're leaving."
The master spoke up, "First, dig two ditches on either side of the grave. One ditch should hold a bucket of water, and the other should have a strong fire burning."
I asked, "Is that all?"
The master replied, "After burying it, immediately erect a tombstone with the words 'Xu Shang' inscribed on it. No other words are needed. Oh, and it has to be written in your blood."
I questioned, "On what basis?"
The master said, "Whether you want to do it or not is between you and Mr. Xu; I only do what I must."
I sighed and said, "Fine, if that's the case."
Mr. Xu interjected, "How about I pay more?"
I asked, "Can I ask why you need my blood?"
The master replied, "No. The opportunity cannot be leaked."
I was left speechless.
Gao Ling said, "Then we won't do it. Mr. Xu, we're just here to help you with a living burial; there's no need for bloodshed. Besides, blood at the grave is bad for you and my brother as well. This master you've invited isn't entirely trustworthy; if he harms my brother in any way, no matter how much you pay us, we won't proceed."
I glanced at Gao Ling and thought to myself that this guy still had some conscience; he wasn't willing to sell me out just for money.
Mr. Xu fell silent at that moment and called out to the Master. The Master waved his folding fan and said, "Using your blood is because you are of the Fire element."
"I don't believe it," I replied.
Gao Ling's eyes darted around, and he said, "Alright, since you've given me a reason, I agree."
The Master, Mr. Xu, and Wen all froze in surprise. What was Gao Ling up to? He had just refused, and now he suddenly agreed, even throwing me a knowing glance. I had no idea what tricks he was playing, so I remained silent.
However, the Master was no fool. He said, "If you agree, I will send someone to keep an eye on things."
Gao Ling was displeased by this remark. Mr. Xu suggested, "How about I add another hundred thousand?"
Gao Ling was tempted. Not wanting to waste more time here, I said, "Let's deal with the funeral first. Are you two going?" Mr. Xu replied, "I won't go; I can't bear to watch myself being buried."
I nodded and called out to Gao Ling as I stood up to leave, but the Master said, "I'll come by tonight."
I casually acknowledged him and then left the hotel with Gao Ling. Once outside, Gao Ling began to curse angrily, "That son of a bitch thinks he can buy two words with a hundred thousand! If you don't sell it, I won't blame you at all." His indignation was palpable, but somehow it felt like he was hinting at something.
I ignored Gao Ling's hints as he hailed a taxi for us. We got in and headed home. Afraid that strange occurrences might happen again that night, I decided not to invite anyone unrelated.
This time it would just be Zhang Xun, Hu Qingming, Gao Ling, and me—four of us would suffice. I left him behind to watch TV at home. Once we arrived, I briefly recounted the situation, and everyone agreed to help. Then we went out to buy some tools.
Time flew by quickly; before we knew it, night had fallen. The Master indeed showed up but wore a conical hat that obscured his face in the darkness. It was hard to see him clearly in this dim light; he seemed intent on maintaining an air of mystery.
Two attendants followed closely behind the Master; their attire made it clear they were his subordinates.
We first buried a Paper Figure in the coffin, which had the name Xu written on it. After digging the pit, the four of us placed the coffin directly into it. This burial site was about one or two hundred meters away from where Hu Qingming had crawled out last time.
Gao Ling was thorough; he took out a copy of the Diamond Sutra and began to chant.
I turned to the Master and said that if there were no issues, we could start filling in the dirt. At that moment, Nian Chen was squatting on the ground, burning Ghost Money along with paper servants and maids, having burned quite a lot.
The Master grunted in acknowledgment, granting permission. Hu Qingming, Zhang Xun, and I began to fill in the dirt. Hu Qingming scooped up a shovel full of earth and let it fall, producing a crisp sound as it landed on the coffin. He quickly spoke up, "Chen Fei, that person with the bamboo hat seems suspicious."
I asked, "What seems to be the problem?"
Hu Qingming replied, "He looks like an old acquaintance."
An old acquaintance of Hu Qingming must be quite aged! I questioned him, "Are you sure you’re not mistaken?"
Hu Qingming said, "Let me take another look; you all fill in the dirt slowly."
Zhang Xun and I nodded in agreement. Meanwhile, Gao Ling continued to chant like some sort of mystic. Hu Qingming occasionally glanced at the Master. A few minutes later, he suddenly shouted, "Li Guang!" His voice was loud.
I looked at Hu Qingming, but he was fixated on the Master.
However, the Master showed no reaction at all. I told Hu Qingming that he must have mistaken someone.
At that moment, Hu Qingming chuckled a few times and said, "If he had shown any other reaction, it would have been better. But this guy is so calm; it's clearly suspicious."
Hu Qingming added, "Chen Fei, get ready; I want to have a word with him."
I asked, "What do you want me to prepare?"
Hu Qingming realized it was simple: block this guy from escaping. Zhang Xun clearly understood. Hu Qingming dropped the shovel and approached the master, step by step, but the master stood still.
As Hu Qingming got closer, he spoke, "Master, I've been dreaming about floods pressing down on me lately. Is there some ominous sign?"
The master replied, "I don't read fortunes for idle people."
"I'll pay you!" Hu Qingming insisted.
"I don't want money," the master said.
"You don't want money, Li Guang? You've really gained some skills!" Hu Qingming retorted.
The master remained silent. Soon after, Hu Qingming made his move, lunging forward to grab the master, but the master quickly stepped back, leaving Hu Qingming grasping at air. As the master retreated, two others also made their move.
However, these two were no match for Hu Qingming and were taken down within moments! Hu Qingming continued to chase after the master while Zhang Xun and I circled around to cut him off from behind. Hu Qingming shouted, "Li Guang, after all these years of plotting, you've finally shown yourself!"
Yet the master remained silent. Plotting? Hearing that word made me involuntarily recall the fortune teller I had dreamed about last time in Yang Village.
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