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墨書 Inktalez
The world of emotions is inherently unfair; those who love the deepest and most passionately do not necessarily end up together. Separated couples, who once shared a bond, may have only served to facilitate each other's growth and companionship. Su Ruolan, with her grace and poise, suppressed her true emotional needs. She was always reluctant to hinder Qi Runzhou's progress, silently giving of herself, even sacrificing for his career, while forgetting to reserve a bit of herself. In that relationship, the balance was always skewed; Qi Runzhou believed Su Ruolan to be so strong that she could solve any problem, overlooking the fact that she was just a fragile woman, often considering her needs too little. She came from a powerful family, possessed exceptional knowledge, and had perfect beauty; she was indeed a precious daughter. Qi Runzhou did not understand what she still lacked or what he could do to catch her eye. Sometimes he lacked confidence in himself, feeling much older than her and only a few years younger than Su Ruolan's father. Although he had talent, there were so many heroes around; would she always like him? Was it merely a fleeting infatuation?
This uncertainty occasionally crept into his mind but dissipated under Su Ruolan's wholehearted devotion. However, once such thoughts arose, they would haunt him like a ghost. Especially when he faced career difficulties; although he always appeared fearless and optimistic in front of Su Ruolan, when the Huaxia Army was under severe pressure, he truly did not know where the future lay or when his ideals could be realized. Yet he dared not show his weakness or confusion in front of Su Ruolan; even for a moment, he could not allow it. He feared seeing disdain in her eyes and worried about losing such a beautiful woman. After all, he was already so old while she was still so young.
So when his subordinate informed him that the Government Army was about to launch another siege, he found no courage to take Su Ruolan away with him. He did not want her to witness his disgrace; since he was her hero in her heart, he would maintain that heroic image. He thought that once he achieved success and fame, he would come back for her. He constantly made excuses for his own cowardice—perhaps it was because he cared too much that he could not accept imperfections. Perhaps it was because he cared too much about success that he ultimately missed out.
A farewell became eternal. When he heard of Su Ruolan's tragic death, it struck him like a dagger to the heart. It turned out that compared to so-called pride, he would rather have them rely on each other; even if not a hero, at least they would not grow old alone. At that moment, he felt immense regret; only then did he realize and believe that Su Ruolan truly loved him—purely and passionately—without any doubt.
Regret slithered into his heart like a venomous snake, biting deeply until blood flowed freely, yet he could not speak of it to anyone. In his despair, he even thought recklessly: Ruo Lan, you finally belong completely to me now; I no longer have to worry about you leaving me; no one can take you away from my side anymore.
He poured drink after drink down his throat; the fiery liquid coursed through his esophagus into his stomach. He felt this heat mirrored Su Ruolan's love for him—outwardly calm but inwardly passionate. He fell completely in love with that feeling, repeatedly seeking to savor Su Ruolan's presence through this pain.
Until he met Kang Wanying; after that night, he finally understood why they felt similar. Kang Wanying openly expressed her love for him without reservation. Having experienced Su Ruolan's love before, this time he truly understood a woman's deep affection—a realization gained at the cost of another woman's life that shattered his previous ignorance.
He decided not to let Kang Wanying down anymore; he treated her exceptionally well and compensated for all the regrets he had been unable to express to Su Ruolan. He nurtured Kang Wanying's emotions and shared his disappointments with her; wherever he went, Kang Wanying accompanied him—whether on military campaigns or camping in makeshift bases. As a general strategizing plans, she helped rally support among the troops; no matter what stage they encountered, he allowed Kang Wanying to see the complete and authentic version of himself. He pampered Kang Wanying into a lively and sweet girl—the very image he once wished for Su Ruolan to embody before him.
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