Gu Yanshen and I had both become the shadows of a nightmare. Even after crawling out of the gutter, we could not turn our lives around.
Three years ago, we met on a film set, which was my first experience in acting.
I was naïve and laughable, young and unaware of the fleeting nature of stardom. Instead, I stumbled into Gu Yanshen's embrace, deeply infatuated without knowing where it all began, desperately dreaming of growing old together.
He appeared to be a cool yet sincere person, and I blurred my future as I fearlessly plunged into a trap called sweetness.
That year, we were both 23, too young to realize we were fantasizing about a world as ephemeral as bubbles.
We were oblivious to the fragility of life and the ease with which dreams could shatter.
At the wrap party, I was forcibly dragged into a room by the producer at the time. He attempted to assault me while I screamed for help, but there was no one to turn to.
I was engulfed in torn clothes and trapped in a nightmare with nowhere to escape, drowning in that night’s intoxication.
I did everything I could to resist—struggling until I finally knelt down and begged for mercy.
But no one spared me.
I didn’t know when that fateful torment began.
Nor did I know how long Gu Yanshen took to rush to my rescue.
How long did he linger at the door?
It was a dark memory.
Like the suffocating feeling of drowning, it shredded my brain and lungs.
I only knew that I had hurt myself; my resistance was a foolish joke, ending only in self-harm.
When Gu Yanshen held me,
my world was a sea of crimson, dirty and exposed, where all my vulnerabilities and weaknesses had been laid bare.
Was I saved?
I couldn't remember.
All I recalled was waking up in the hospital,
and Gu Yanshen was gone. He had left.
He walked away during my most disgraceful, most unviewable moments,
and later I realized he had seen something unbearable, something that made him feel dirty and disgusted, so he ran away.
I was no longer the glamorous, pristine starlet.
Instead, I was a tattered, irreparable doll, one that should be discarded.
Those were years I couldn't survive,
when I hated this world, hated that play, hated everyone who had witnessed my disgrace that night, hated that perpetrator, hated myself.
But did I hate him? My feelings for him were like a massive tsunami crashing against the earth's crust.
My love for him was so solid that amidst the raging storms, hatred could only sweep the shores, drowning in a hidden corner.
I felt like a fool, like a beggar, still waiting for him.
Finally, he appeared before me with another woman, their arms linked together.
It was as if heaven and earth conspired against me, a pair of shameless lovers.
I had no idea when they had gotten together,
I only knew that in that fleeting moment, I let out a cold laugh,
All my hatred found its release.
The waves consumed me; I hated only him now.
I had to fight to live, to save myself, to hate him—this was all my strength, all my faith.
One day, I would make the waves drown him, no mercy, no retreat.
From that moment on, I became much wiser.
I worked hard to learn the survival tactics of the entertainment industry, hiding all that I had experienced.
As a woman who had offended a powerful producer, it was hard for me to get by,
So I forged my own path, shifting to short dramas. I appeared on variety shows, drank raw eggs, was teased and made a fool of.
I even rode the coattails of various celebrities and influencers, leaving no stone unturned.
I am not a good person; I have learned to flatter the powerful and to bow and scrape.
I have learned to stir up trouble by playing the victim, and I have learned to climb the social ladder like a dog.
It has been three years—exactly three years.
I've been doing quite well. I have amassed a wealth of short drama resources and am gradually aligning myself with the mainstream.
I have cut ties with everyone and everything from my debut, focusing solely on being a self-serving opportunist.
But why?
Why does Gu Yanshen have to reappear in my life?
And why, when he shows up, should I not seize the opportunity to take my revenge on him?
I want him to know that I hate him. I want this weak, cheating scoundrel to be utterly disgraced.
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