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墨書 Inktalez
In the photograph, there is a young woman holding two little girls.
The woman has a gentle smile, and the two little girls snuggle in her arms, their faces radiating happiness.
That is my mother.
And the two little girls in the photo—one is me, and the other is Su Qing.
The letter was written by my mother, her handwriting elegant yet tinged with an unmistakable sadness.
“Xiao Yan, my precious daughter, by the time you read this letter, I will no longer be in this world…”
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t protect you…”
“Su Qing’s father, he… he promised to give me some money so that I could… so that you could…”
The words on the paper began to blur.
My hands trembled even more violently, almost unable to hold onto the thin sheet of paper.
“He said he would take good care of you and ensure you live a good life…”
“He said he would send you to the best university and help you become an artist…”
“Mom needs that money so much…”
“Mom knows this isn’t fair to you…”
“But Mom… Mom has no choice…”
“I’m sorry… Xiao Yan… I’m so sorry…”
At the end of the letter, there was a line of shaky writing:
“Xiao Yan, be happy…”
Tears finally broke free from my eyes.
I trembled as tears blurred my vision.
In the photo, my mother’s smile is so gentle, so loving.
But the words on the letter felt like sharp knives, piercing my heart.
I finally understood everything.
Why was Lu Chen Zhou so good to me?
Why did he send me to the best university to study painting?
Why did he make me Su Qing's substitute?
Because he already knew that I was Su Qing's sister.
Because he wanted to use me to make up for his guilt towards Su Qing.
And I, like a fool, was played with in the palm of his hand.
I thought I was repaying a debt of gratitude.
I thought I was atoning for my sins.
But in reality, I was merely a tool he used to fill the void in his heart.
I clutched the letter and photo tightly, my nails digging deep into my flesh.
The pain brought me back to some semblance of clarity.
I raised my head and looked at Su Qing.
Her face was also streaked with tears.
"I'm sorry... Xiao Yan..."
She choked on her words, "I'm sorry..."
I didn't say anything, just silently shed tears.
After a long while, I finally found a bit of strength.
"When... when did you find out?"
I spoke with a trembling voice, hoarse and weak.
Su Qing wiped her tears away. "Ten years ago, after that accident..."
Ten years ago.
That accident that changed my life forever.
I was hit by an oncoming car while trying to protect Su Qing.
My left eye was scarred by a shard of glass, leaving a deep mark.
As for Su Qing, she only suffered minor injuries due to my protection, but she lost hearing in her right ear.
"When I woke up, I knew your identity..."
Su Qing's voice carried a hint of pain. "But... but Lu Chen Zhou wouldn’t let me tell you..."
"He said... he said you were doing well. He said..."
Su Qing choked on her words, unable to finish a complete sentence.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
"Why would he do this?"
I asked softly.
Su Qing shook her head. "I don’t know... I don’t know..."
"I only know that he is in great pain... he has been living with guilt..."
"He... he sees you as a substitute for Su Qing..."
Her voice grew fainter, almost inaudible.
Substitute.
I forced a bitter smile.
It turned out that I was merely a substitute after all.
A substitute that could never replace Su Qing.
I slowly stood up and walked over to the easel.
On the easel was my self-portrait.
That unfinished self-portrait.
I picked up the brush and dipped it in paint.
On the canvas, I painted the corner of my left eye.
That hideous scar.
I didn't use concealer to hide it.
Because this is the real me.
An imperfect me.
A scarred me.
A me that is no longer a substitute for Su Qing.
I set down my paintbrush and gazed at the self-portrait on the canvas.
Tears blurred my vision once again.
I tore off the concealer patch from the corner of my left eye, revealing the jagged scar beneath.
I walked to the mirror and looked at myself.
A pale face, sunken cheeks, and the scar at the corner of my left eye.
This is me.
The true me.
Lin Yan.
I took a deep breath and turned to Su Qing.
"Thank you, sister," I said softly.
Su Qing paused for a moment, then a gentle smile appeared on her face.
"Let's go," I said. "It's time to go home."
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