Book Synopsis
Book Tags
Donation Rankings
Comment
0 Comments
You May Also Like
墨書 Inktalez
"A… hilarious… A Battle of Wits!" My voice echoed across the battlefield, shrouded in smoke and the stench of blood, drawing everyone's attention as if they were staring at a fool.
The corner of Strongman Leader's mouth twitched, nearly losing grip on the machete in his hand.
"Wei… Wei Na, have you gone stupid from being bitten by a zombie?" he asked with difficulty.
I ignored him, simply smiling mysteriously and shouting to the chaotic crowd, "Listen up! From now on, whoever kills the most zombies and has the funniest poses will win!"
"What do we get if we win?!" a blood-soaked member of the Flame Mercenary Corps gasped.
"What do you get? The prize is… you can receive my personally awarded… Best Performance Award at tonight's victory ceremony!" I said with a serious expression, as if it were the highest honor.
The crowd exchanged bewildered glances, clearly confused by my absurd proposal.
But soon, Zhong Dali, that big oaf, was the first to react.
"Wow! Is what Wei Ge said true?! I want to win the grand prize!" he exclaimed excitedly, swinging his fists and delivering a bear hug that dislocated the bones of a lunging mutated zombie.
Then, as if dancing, he twisted his hefty body and used that zombie as a punching bag, throwing punches left and right while the zombie shrieked in protest.
This scene inexplicably eased the tense atmosphere.
The other members of the Flame Mercenary Corps were also stunned, watching Zhong Dali's comical antics, and several of them couldn't help but laugh out loud.
Seizing the moment, I shouted, "Look! Zhong Dali has already started his performance! Don't fall behind!"
As soon as I finished speaking, a stir erupted in the crowd.
"Get lost! Who would lose to that big idiot!"
"Damn! You think this is a joke? I'm a professional!"
In an instant, the entire battlefield transformed; what was once a life-and-death struggle turned into an absurd "zombie performance show."
Some people mimicked the zombies' movements, banging their heads against walls, then executing a "Headbutt" to send the zombies flying.
Others engaged in parkour among the horde, dodging zombie attacks while performing various acrobatic stunts, eliciting gasps of amazement from the survivors behind the lines.
There was even a member of the Flame Mercenary Corps who twisted off a zombie's arm and swung it around like a windmill, making strange noises of "Hey! Ha!"
Watching this group of "madmen," I couldn't help but feel delighted.
Damn it, human nature really is base; the more dire the situation, the more their desire to perform is ignited.
Meanwhile, the Allied Forces sent by Qin Baye were completely dumbfounded.
They stared at the chaotic and comical scene before them, utterly clueless on how to respond.
"What... what the hell is going on?!" one enemy commander asked, wide-eyed.
Seizing the opportunity, I directed Zhong Dali and the mysterious girl to focus on targeting the weaknesses of those mutated zombies.
Zhong Dali bulldozed through, continuously knocking aside those sluggish "Light Sensitivity" zombies to clear a path for us.
The mysterious girl stood at a distance, taking precise shots to blow off the heads of those light-sensitive zombies.
With our collaboration, the once precarious defense line miraculously held steady.
As the first light of dawn broke through the darkness, casting its rays upon the ruins of New Base, the absurd "Laugh Out Loud Defense Battle" finally came to an end.
The ground was littered with zombie corpses, and a group of exhausted survivors lay sprawled on the ground, laughing uncontrollably.
I looked at them and let out a sigh of relief.
It seemed that I was not only a survivor in this apocalyptic world but also a qualified... comedian.
---
As night fell once more, the Glory Hall of New Base was brightly lit and bustling with voices.
Originally an abandoned factory cafeteria, it had been simply transformed into the venue for our "Midterm Awards Ceremony."
I was forcibly pushed onto the stage by the organizers, a rusty megaphone shoved into my hands.
"Ahem!" I cleared my throat, and an ear-piercing screech echoed from the megaphone, causing laughter to erupt from the crowd below.
"Welcome, everyone... brave... ahem, comedians, to New Base..." I tried to maintain a serious expression, but my lips couldn't help but curl up, "...the first 'Laughing Zombie Defense Battle'... victory celebration!"
Immediately, applause and whistles erupted from the audience, creating an atmosphere that felt anything but apocalyptic.
"First, let's invite a few new teammates who performed... unexpectedly well in this battle!" I paused deliberately and pointed at several unfamiliar faces in the crowd.
"This one, who calls himself 'Parkour King,' is Li Godan!" I pointed to a tall, slender young man who immediately stood up and flashed a peace sign at everyone.
"Last night, he perfectly demonstrated what it means to be chased by zombies while running fast, looking even cooler as he did so. He was parkouring the whole time, not killing a single zombie, but he successfully... exhausted their stamina!" I said with a straight face, causing the entire audience to burst into laughter.
Li Godan's face instantly turned a shade of deep red, but he still forced himself to sit down.
"And then we have this guy, our 'Headstrong Vanguard,' Wang Dachui!" I pointed to another sturdy young man. "He told us that when facing zombies, there's nothing a good 'Tie Tou' technique can't solve. If there is, just hit them again!"
Wang Dachui scratched his head and gave a hearty smile.
"Of course, the one who impressed me the most is this gentleman..." I deliberately elongated my voice and pointed to a man sitting in the corner, wearing glasses and looking rather refined, "...our 'Zombie Encyclopedia,' Professor Zhang!"
Professor Zhang adjusted his glasses and stood up somewhat awkwardly.
"In the most critical moment, Professor Zhang remained calm and recited... the Analects at the zombies!" I struggled to hold back my laughter as I continued, "His reasoning was that with the power of knowledge, he could enlighten these lost souls! Although... it ultimately proved that zombies don't understand human language, his spirit is something we should all learn from!"
The audience erupted into deafening laughter once again, even the Strongman Leader was slapping his thigh in amusement.
Looking at their joyful faces, a warm feeling surged in my heart.
In this desperate post-apocalyptic world, having such a group of people who maintain their love for life and sense of humor is truly rare.
"Next up, let's welcome our New Base's... highest leader..." I was about to say "highest leader" when suddenly the microphone emitted a loud crackling noise that nearly drowned out my voice.
I helplessly tapped the microphone, only for it to fall apart in my hands.
"Damn it, what kind of piece of junk is this!" I couldn't help but curse, causing another wave of laughter from the crowd.
At that moment, a middle-aged man in neat military attire walked onto the stage; it was Wei Zhong from New Base.
He cleared his throat and picked up a brand new megaphone, only to accidentally crank the volume up to the maximum.
“Ahem… everyone… ahem, survivors…” His voice was amplified countless times through the megaphone, causing the entire hall to buzz, and many people even covered their ears.
Wei Zhong was clearly flustered; he fumbled with the megaphone and ended up turning the volume down to the minimum.
“…This time… A Battle of Wits…” His voice became as faint as a mosquito's buzz, and everyone had to lean in close just to hear him.
A wave of whispers and laughter erupted from the audience.
“Hey! Old Wei! Is your megaphone broken or what?”
“Captain! Isn’t it time you upgraded your equipment?!”
Wei Zhong’s face turned beet red. He awkwardly chuckled and ultimately gave up on the megaphone, shouting instead, “This time… we… won! Everyone performed… exceptionally well!”
Though his voice was a bit hoarse, it still resonated throughout the hall.
Applause erupted once more, even more enthusiastic than before.
I couldn’t help but chuckle at Wei Zhong’s embarrassed demeanor.
It seemed that even leaders had their unreliable moments.
---
The atmosphere of the awards ceremony grew increasingly lively until it was once again my turn to take over as host.
"Next, we will showcase the various resources obtained in this battle!" I announced loudly. "To thank everyone for their brave performance, we will distribute the resources to... the most promising team members!"
As soon as I finished speaking, a wave of cheers erupted from the crowd.
Several new teammates' eyes sparkled with excitement, like hungry wolves spotting meat.
"The first item on display is a mysterious box we found among the zombie horde!" I pointed to a massive metal box that had been carried up by several members of the Flame Mercenary Corps.
When the box was opened, it revealed an assortment of bizarre technological equipment piled inside. There were energy guns glowing with blue light, oddly shaped cutting tools, and even a few sci-fi styled mechanical arms.
"Wow!" Zhong Dali exclaimed, his eyes wide with curiosity as he leaned in closer. In his excitement, he accidentally knocked one of the energy guns to the ground.
"Hey! Zhong Dali! Can you be a bit more careful?" one of the new teammates complained.
"I... I didn't mean to..." Zhong Dali scratched his head sheepishly.
Just then, a mysterious girl suddenly dashed out from the crowd. Quick as lightning, she snatched up the fallen energy gun.
"This gun... is mine now!" she said coldly, her eyes filled with possessiveness.
"Why should it be yours?! I saw it first!" one of the new teammates protested angrily.
"Because... I'm faster than you!" The mysterious girl sneered, and with a flash of light from the energy gun in her hand, she left a charred mark on the wall.
Everyone gasped in shock.
This girl turned out to be a hidden expert!
I looked at the mysterious girl, a playful smile curling at the corners of my mouth.
It seemed that this New Base was teeming with hidden talents.
"The next item is a sample of the evolutionary virus we unexpectedly discovered in the Zombie Nest!" I announced loudly, as several members of the Flame Mercenary Corps carefully brought forward a transparent glass box.
Inside the box were several vials emitting an eerie green glow.
These were the virus samples capable of enabling human evolution!
"Wow! This... this can't be real, can it?!" Zhong Dali exclaimed again, his eyes nearly glued to the glass box.
However, just as he curiously reached out to touch it, suddenly, a figure rushed over and knocked Zhong Dali off balance.
"This is mine!" Xie Yutong declared, a flicker of barely concealed fervor crossing her cold, beautiful face.
She extended her slender hand and grabbed one of the vials containing the virus sample.
"Xie Yutong! What are you doing?!" I said, my expression darkening. This woman was definitely up to no good!
"Hmph, of course... it's for practical use!" she sneered, her gaze filled with provocation.
A chill ran through me; it seemed that the real show was just beginning.
---
The award ceremony continued in an eerie atmosphere. With Xie Yutong's sudden intervention, the new teammates who had been eyeing us warily now displayed even more vigilance and hostility.
Everyone seemed like sharks sensing blood, fixated on those rare resources and… me.
“Next up is the highlight of this conference!” I clapped my hands, trying to revive the atmosphere. “We will be selecting the most… courageous, the most… selfless, and the most… hilarious… Best MVP of this battle!”
I deliberately emphasized the word “hilarious,” prompting another wave of laughter from the audience.
“The honor goes to… our strongman! Zhong Dali!” I announced loudly.
Zhong Dali paused for a moment, then scratched his head and walked onto the stage with a goofy grin.
His simple face was filled with excitement.
“Wow! Wei Ge! Did I… really win an award?!” he stammered in his excitement.
I patted his shoulder and smiled, “Of course! You are our mascot at New Base!”
Zhong Dali beamed, revealing a big, bright smile.
“To celebrate Zhong Dali’s award, we have specially prepared a… Skill Showcase segment!” I said mysteriously.
The audience erupted into thunderous applause.
Zhong Dali clearly hadn’t anticipated this turn of events; he nervously rubbed his hands together.
“What… what should I showcase?” he asked softly.
“Anything you like!” I encouraged him. “Show us your… strength! Your… comedic talent!”
Zhong Dali thought for a moment, then suddenly shouted excitedly, "Then... I'll do a bare-handed smash on a big rock!"
He dashed to the center of the stage and spotted a discarded steel plate, his eyes instantly lighting up.
"Watch me! Wow!" he yelled, then swung his fist down hard onto the steel plate.
"Bang!"
The steel plate didn't budge an inch, but Zhong Dali clutched his fist, grimacing in pain.
"Ouch! My hand! It hurts so much!" he cried out with tears welling in his eyes.
The audience erupted in laughter, some even doubled over with amusement.
I couldn't help but laugh at Zhong Dali's ridiculous antics.
This guy was truly a character.
---
As the awards ceremony drew to a close, the atmosphere shifted slightly.
The rare resources ultimately went to a few standout new teammates.
Among them, the mysterious girl received an energy gun, while another new teammate skilled in explosives got a box of high-energy explosives.
After obtaining their resources, both of them displayed a glimmer of excitement and... greed hidden deep within their eyes.
I watched them, fully aware that this was not just a distribution of resources, but a reshuffling of the internal power dynamics within the New Base.
In this "Laugh Out Loud Defense Battle," I appeared to be merely a host, yet I seized the opportunity to observe everyone's abilities and hidden cards.
Especially that mysterious girl; her speed and explosive power exceeded my expectations by far.
Then there was the seemingly honest "Headstrong Vanguard," Wang Dachui. He displayed astonishing resilience in battle, something that ordinary people could not achieve.
I even suspected that each of them harbored unknown special abilities or, perhaps... secrets that remained concealed.
"Alright, everyone!" I picked up the microphone again, carefully adjusting the volume to a normal level. "This awards ceremony is now concluded!"
A wave of murmurs arose from the audience, expressing their lingering curiosity.
I scanned the crowd and noticed Xie Yutong standing at the back, her gaze as cold as ice, fixated on me.
A faint smirk played at the corners of her mouth, hinting at mockery.
A chill ran down my spine; this woman was indeed more complicated than I had imagined.
Her presence today was certainly not just for that vial of virus samples.
Her true intention was likely...
"Wei Na..." A deep voice suddenly resonated behind me.
I turned sharply to find Wei Zhong standing there.
He looked at me with a complex expression, hesitating to speak.
"Is something wrong, Vice Captain Wei?" I asked.
He hesitated for a moment, then lowered his voice and said, "You... follow me. I have something important... to tell you."
A spark of interest ignited within me; I knew the main event was about to unfold.
It seemed that Qin Baye's undercover agent had been exposed, and coupled with my unexpected success in the Laugh Out Loud Defense Battle, Wei Zhong, this old fox, could no longer sit still.
He wanted to win me over or perhaps... use me.
I smiled, a hint of a sly grin appearing on my face.
"Sure, Vice Captain Wei," I replied readily. "But... I hope what you tell me is truly... valuable... information!"
Comment 0 Comment Count