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墨書 Inktalez
"Why are you crying? If you cry again, I'll hit you too!" Liu Jun shouted.
My daughter was so frightened that she stopped crying and just sniffled as she looked at the cake on the floor.
"Kneel down!" He pointed at me. "Kneel down and apologize!"
I was taken aback. "What did I do wrong?"
"You're asking me? Wasting food isn't wrong? Defying your husband isn't wrong?" His voice grew louder. "Kneel down!"
I glanced at my daughter, who was watching us with terrified eyes. I didn't want her to see me being humiliated like this, but I also knew that if I didn't kneel, he would hit me even harder.
Slowly, I knelt down.
"Mom..." my daughter called softly, wanting to come over to help me.
"Don't you dare come over!" Liu Jun snapped at her. "See this? This is what happens when you don't listen!"
With that, he pulled out his belt and, right in front of my daughter, whipped me until my body was covered in bruises. My dignity was completely trampled underfoot. But for the sake of my children, I endured it.
In 1994, my second daughter was born.
Having two children didn't make Liu Jun any less reckless; in fact, he became even more unrestrained.
"Now that you have two kids, you can't run away," he said smugly. "Just stay home and serve me."
Indeed, with two children, I couldn't run away even if I wanted to. The older one was only three years old, and the younger one was still nursing. How could I support them on my own?
He even started to restrict my freedom.
"You can't go back to your parents' house!"
"You can't talk too much with the neighbors!"
"You can't be out for more than an hour!"
I wanted to visit my mom, so I secretly went back once. He chased me to my parents' house and slapped me twice in front of them.
"Take care of your daughter! Running back to your parents' house all day long—what kind of behavior is that?" he said to my father.
My father looked very grim, but being an honest man, he didn’t know what to say. My mother wiped her tears beside him, saying, “Xue Ying, you… you need to behave at home.”
Behave? I had already been obedient enough, but did it make any difference? The villagers were well aware of my situation, yet no one was willing to intervene.
“Couples fight; it’s normal for them to argue,” they said.
“It’s just a man being a bit temperamental; that’s normal.”
“It’s not our place to meddle in your young couple's affairs.”
Even my sister-in-law, upon seeing the bruises on my face, had the audacity to say, “Xue Ying, did you really do something wrong? Liu Jun seems quite honest most of the time.”
One day, I could no longer hold back and wanted to resist. That day, he hit me again because the food wasn’t to his liking. I suddenly stood up and pushed him: “Why do you always hit me? I’m a person too!”
He was taken aback for a moment, then his expression darkened further. “Oh really? You dare push me?”
The beating that followed was harsher than any before. He whipped me with a belt and kicked me; I curled up on the ground, feeling like I was about to die. My two daughters cried inconsolably nearby; the Eldest Daughter even ran over and tugged at him with her small hands: “Daddy, don’t hit Mommy! Please don’t hit Mommy!”
But he didn’t listen at all and continued to strike me.
“Are you going to resist again?” he kicked me.
“I won’t…” I said weakly.
“Louder!”
“I won’t!” I shouted.
From that day on, I never dared to resist again. Every time he hit me, I could only cover my head and let him vent his anger. In the quiet of the night, holding my two daughters while watching their peaceful sleeping faces, I thought: For the sake of giving them a complete family, I’ll endure a little longer. At least they have a father and are not children from a single-parent family.
At least, our family is still whole. I tell myself that when the children grow up, perhaps everything will get better.
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