By 2003, I had endured for thirteen years. My eldest daughter was twelve, and my youngest was nine; both were already aware of the situation. They asked me, "Mom, why does Dad always hit you?" I didn't know how to respond. I couldn't possibly tell them that their father was a beast, could I?
As I pondered how to fabricate a reason, Liu Jun pushed the door open. He was drunk again and immediately started to pick a fight. "Where's the food? I'm hungry!" he shouted.
"It's still warming in the pot; I'll serve it up right away," I hurried to the kitchen. But he didn't wait; he charged over and kicked me in the waist. I fell to the ground, my head hitting the corner of the wall, and blood started flowing profusely.
"Mom!" my two daughters screamed as they rushed over. Seeing me bleeding from my head, my eldest daughter suddenly cried out, "I hate you! I hate you! You're not my dad!"
In that moment, I made up my mind: I couldn't let my children witness this anymore. The next day, I secretly went to the County Court to inquire about divorce.
"Are you sure you want a divorce?" the judge asked me. "In families with children, divorce should be considered carefully."
"I am sure," I gritted my teeth and replied. "If I don't get divorced, I might die at his hands."
The judge noticed the injuries on my face and sighed, "Alright then, let's try mediation first."
On the day of mediation, Liu Jun showed up. As soon as he entered, he began his performance. "Xue Ying, I know I've done wrong!" He cried in front of the judge, "I promise I'll never hit you again; please don't divorce me!"
Seeing him cry so pitifully softened the judge's tone: "Look, he knows he's wrong; why don't you two try again?"
"No way!" I shook my head firmly. "He's said too many times that he won't hit me again, but every time it's a lie!"
"Xue Ying, I swear! I swear to heaven!" Liu Jun raised his hand. "If I hit you again, may I suffer a terrible fate!"
He had made that same vow countless times before.
"Judge, I have made up my mind; I want a divorce," I stated firmly.
In the end, with the judge's mediation, we went through with the divorce. When Liu Jun signed the divorce agreement, he shot me a fierce glare, but he dared not say anything in front of the judge.
After the divorce, I should have moved out with the children. However, I had nowhere to go; my family wouldn't let me return, claiming there was no room for me anymore, and I didn't have the money to rent a place on my own. Most importantly, my two daughters were reluctant to leave this home.
"Mommy, can we still live here?" my youngest daughter asked, tugging at my hand.
Seeing their hopeful expressions softened my heart. I thought to myself that since we were divorced now, Liu Jun would surely tone down his behavior. After all, we were no longer a couple; he couldn't just hit me whenever he wanted.
How naive I was.
After the divorce, Liu Jun became even worse than before.
"You think you're something special now that we're divorced?" he sneered at me. "You still have to live in my house and watch my face."
"This house is half mine; it's clearly stated in the divorce agreement," I retorted.
"So what if it's half yours? If you have the ability, move out!" He was arrogant. "If you can't move out, then you have to listen to me!"
He was right; I truly couldn't move out.
"Now that you have no title, I can treat you however I want," he said viciously. "Legally, you're no longer my wife."
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