I thought the children would hate me, that they would blame me for killing their father.
But they understood me; they knew I did it to protect them.
After entering prison, I began a new life.
Though I lost my freedom here, it felt safe. No one would hit me, no one would scold me.
I woke up on time every day, ate on time, and worked on time. My life became regular and peaceful.
Most importantly, I could finally sleep soundly.
For the first time in fifteen years, I could have a good night's sleep without worrying about being woken up in the middle of the night.
The sisters in my cell sympathized with my case:
“Xue Ying, you did the right thing. That kind of man deserved to die.”
“You acted in self-defense, but unfortunately, the law doesn’t see it that way.”
“Eleven years will pass quickly; you’re still young and can start anew when you get out.”
I learned many things in prison.
I learned to read and write; before, I could only write my name, but now I can read newspapers.
I learned sewing skills, so I can support myself and my daughters with my craft when I get out.
Most importantly, I learned how to protect myself and fight for my rights.
Every month, my daughters came to visit me.
From initial strangeness and fear to later comfort and closeness, they gradually adapted to this life.
My eldest daughter always shared stories about school:
“Mom, I’m doing really well in school; the teacher says I can get into a good high school.”
“Mom, I’ve learned how to cook now; I can take care of my sister.”
“Mom, the people in the village are very kind to us; Grandma Wang often brings us vegetables.”
My youngest daughter didn’t say much, but she always hugged me tightly:
“Mom, I miss you.”
"Mom, when will you come home?"
"Mom, I will be good and listen to my sister."
Watching them grow up day by day, becoming more understanding, fills me with both heartache and comfort.
The heartache comes from the burden they bear at such a young age.
The comfort comes from their strength, which surpasses my expectations.
One time, my Eldest Daughter came to visit me in prison. She was already 16, blossoming into a beautiful young woman.
"Mom, do you regret it?" she suddenly asked me.
I thought for a moment and replied, "I don't regret that blow. If time could turn back, I would still do it."
"Why?"
"Because only then can you truly be safe." I looked at her and added, "What I fear the most is that you will live a life like mine."
She nodded, "Mom, I understand. I will protect my sister and myself. I will never choose a man like Dad."
"Don't worry, Mom. When you come back, the three of us will live together, and no one can bully us."
Hearing those words made me smile.
My daughter has truly grown up; she knows what is right and what is wrong.
Time flies, and before I knew it, five years had passed.
I have behaved well in prison and have been recognized multiple times as a model inmate. The correctional officers say I might get a reduced sentence.
But I'm not in a hurry.
During these years in prison, I've come to understand many things.
I've figured out what love is and what harm is.
I've learned what strength is and what weakness is.
I've realized what it means to do good for my children and what truly harms them.
If I had continued to endure back then, allowing my daughters to live in such an environment, that would have been the real harm to them.
The decision I made was the right one.
Although I paid the price of my freedom, I saved my daughters' future. Now, my Eldest Daughter has been accepted into university, and my youngest daughter is also a good student in her class. They are both outstanding and independent.
I believe that when I am released from prison, the three of us will have a fresh start. There will be no violence, no fear, and no tears. Only sunshine, only hope, and the warmth of our bond as mother and daughters.
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