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He asked, "What happened?"
San Chun recounted the events from earlier on the street. Although she didn't believe Ji Xun would want to kill her, she couldn't help but feel anger towards him since this matter arose because of him.
Qing was also a bit angry and said resentfully, "That Zhao Empress is truly the root of all evil."
This incident was mostly caused by the Zhao Empress. She had always killed without blinking and was self-righteous. Even when she was wrong, she would never admit it, claiming it was for the good of her child. However, everything she did would make people hate her for a lifetime. If it weren't for her insistence on marrying Zhu to Prince Autumn Walk, so many problems wouldn't have arisen later.
He thought for a moment and said, "If you truly want to marry Ji Xun, I can help you. You are my sister-in-law, and your status is no longer ordinary. I will go to Zhao Wang; he will likely grant you a marriage."
San Chun smiled bitterly. She couldn't be the San In Spring, but being the Spring Princess was naturally no problem. It was just that who could have imagined that her union with Ji Xun would require someone else to provide her with an identity.
She said, "Let's talk about this later; right now, I don't want to marry anyone."
Originally, she had been determined to marry Ji Xun, but for some reason, that resolve had begun to waver. Thinking of Zhong Xue's words before he left only added to her confusion.
That night at the Embassy outside the palace, Zhong Xue came to find her. Without waiting for her to ask, he directly said, "I am here to apologize; I want to say I'm sorry."
She was taken aback by him. "What do you have to apologize to me for?"
Zhong Xue smiled bitterly. "I wish I could say I have nothing to feel guilty about, but I truly made a mistake back then. It was me who was with you by the river, not Ji Xun, and it was I who tricked him away by sending someone with a message. I even secretly wore his clothes—the one you personally embroidered—and I never returned it."
He presented a wooden box containing that poorly embroidered green shirt. After all this time, the shirt remained intact, showing how much he cherished it.
Zhong Xue gently stroked the long shirt, a hint of regret appearing on his face. He continued, "All these years I've felt uneasy and hoped to personally apologize to you in front of you. I don't seek your forgiveness; I just hope to find peace within myself."
Although San Chun had long suspected it was him, hearing those words come directly from his mouth still shocked her.
Taking a deep breath, he asked her, "Why did you do that back then?"
"Because the more I couldn't have it, the more I wanted it," he replied, his smile growing increasingly bitter. "I have never been honest about my feelings in front of you. Now that I am going to the battlefield, where life and death are uncertain, I just want to say one heartfelt thing to you. If I meet the King of Hell, I fear I will regret it..."
San Chun lowered his head and fell silent. In the past, he had always been as slippery as an eel when talking to people, making it hard for others to distinguish between what was true and what was false.
Suddenly, he stepped forward, placing both hands on her shoulders, forcing her to meet his gaze.
"Do you not believe that I am sincere?"
She shook her head and sighed softly, "The past is in the past; I don't want to bring it up again."
"You can forget, but I cannot."
Zhong Xue suddenly gathered his courage and said loudly, "There’s something I've always wanted to tell you: I love you, unwaveringly."
They were very close; she could feel his heartbeat and even the turmoil within him. As he spoke, her heart trembled slightly.
Zhong Xue stared at her intently, seeing the shock on her face. He couldn't help but feel a sense of pride in his heart; he thought he wouldn't dare to say it, yet here he was. Since he had come this far, he might as well be straightforward.
"Maybe I fell in love with you the first time I saw you, or perhaps it was when you stood in front of me asking if I was in pain. And then there was that time when Young Master Xinren insulted me, and you rescued me. At that moment, I thought you were truly my lucky star; every time I faced difficulties, you would appear and take my hand to lead me out of trouble. All these years, being able to reach this point is all because of you. It’s because I wanted to become stronger and have enough ability to protect you. I want to hold your hand and grow old together with you. Perhaps others think I rarely speak the truth, but every bit of my feeling for you is genuine. My heart beats for you alone...”
If someone had been nearby to hear these words, they would surely applaud him for being so moving—whether it came from the heart or was genuine, how could it be so good? So full of emotion? He felt a sense of hidden pride; indeed, he was talented.
He took her hand and let her feel his heartbeat; it truly sounded like a war drum beating loudly—“thump thump—thump thump—” resonating strongly.
San Chun's heart was shocked; she never expected Zhong Xue to have such deep feelings for her. In the past, when he liked her, she always found it amusing, even thought he was pretending, putting on an act, or just looking for someone to play with. But now she felt that it was real, every word and every sentence—not because his gaze was so sincere, but because of his personality.
On the surface, no matter how others insulted him, he could endure it with a smile. But in reality, he was a person with a strong sense of pride. If he weren't forced into a corner, if he didn't truly love her deeply, he would never utter such humiliating words.
She forced herself to calm down, but there was a hint of struggle in her heart. After a long pause, she coldly said, "You know I already have Ji Xun. I only love Ji Xun."
"Are you really sure?" He looked at her, his gaze slightly heated. "As long as you truly care about someone, you can feel their every breath, every step, even the sound of their clothes swaying when they walk. If you can't feel that person is Ji Xun, it just means you don't love enough."
San Chun trembled slightly. Could she not feel Ji Xun? Unwilling to admit it, she retorted, "That's impossible."
Later he left; it was she who drove him away. As he left, he sneered at her, "One day you'll know what love really is."
Even though she had driven Zhong Xue away, she spent the whole night thinking about his words, tossing and turning in bed and even starting to doubt herself. Was it... true? Did she not know love?
Thinking back on that night of repeated struggles without reaching a conclusion, her doubts surged again at the thought of her impending marriage to Azure Wind Antelope.
Unable to help herself, she asked Qing, "What is love? Can loving someone make you feel their every breath, every step, even the sound of their clothes swaying when they walk?"
Qing pondered for a moment. "It should be so." Back when he was with Zhu, every time he returned home—no matter how lightly he walked—she could always sense that he was back. He had asked her why she could tell it was him and not someone else.
She pursed her lips and smiled but then couldn't help it; because she cared too much about him, she observed him closely and remembered his walking style, his smile, his voice, and even all his habits.
At this moment, San Chun felt her heart completely collapse. At that time, could she not guess that it wasn't Ji Xun? Was it because she didn't love enough? Or perhaps deep down, she hoped that person was Zhong Xue?
No, that's not right; Zhong Xue was deceiving her. He was using sweet words to confuse her and trying to shake her heart through this method.
She felt an overwhelming sadness, so much so that when Qing wanted to say goodbye to her, she didn't hear it. Distracted, she walked back to her residence, just wanting to find a place to hide.
If Zhong Xue's words were meant to hurt her, then he definitely succeeded...
Upon returning to her room, before she even entered, a huge shadow lunged at her.
"Chun, San Chun, you came just in time; I've been waiting for you for quite a while."
San Chun rubbed her painfully throbbing head; she really wasn't in the mood to deal with Princess Ying.
Princess Ying seemed oblivious to the change in her expression and smiled as she took San Chun's arm and pulled her into the room. San Chun stumbled from the force of the pull and nearly fell over the threshold.
"Ah, you're too rough," she pouted, almost being dragged into the room and seated across from Princess Ying. Then, leaning in mysteriously, she asked, "You're Chengyang Jun's sworn sister; you should know what he likes, right? Hurry and tell me."
San Chun was taken aback and suddenly realized how little she knew about Zhong Xue. Aside from knowing he liked sweets, it seemed she didn't know much else. During her stay at Chengyang Junfu, everything about his meals and room arrangements was tailored to his preferences, which felt quite strange. It seemed Zhong Xue understood her better than she understood herself.
She forced a smile and said, "Princess Ying, I really can't help you with this."
Princess Ying was persistent and kept asking her questions. Growing somewhat annoyed by the persistence, San Chun replied, "Didn't you already have someone you like? Why are you still so concerned about Chengyang Jun?"
Princess Ying laughed and said, "I was just fooling you all; I don't have anyone I like. Even if I were interested in someone, they might not be interested in me."
It was rare for this princess to be so open-minded. After thinking for a moment, San Chun said, "Chengyang Jun likes drinking tea and enjoys sweets—sweet enough to be sickening."
Princess Ying happily went out to prepare after hearing this. Watching her retreating figure, San Chun sighed softly; marrying Zhong Xue would be more of a curse than a blessing for her. Her husband was not someone who could be easily pleased.
Princess Ying has a simple personality; she just hopes that in the end, he won't be too harsh.
The next day is Qing's wedding day. Just as he said, there are indeed only her guests. Even Zhao Wang and Queen did not attend. It is unclear whether they did not want to come or if Qing did not want them to participate.
To match the atmosphere, she wore a purple outfit today and adorned her head with a red flower, looking quite charming.
The auspicious time has arrived. She saw Qing enter, holding the spirit tablet of Zhu, and he smiled at her, saying, "Is it alright to pay respects on her behalf?"
San Chun nodded, picked up Zhu's token, and bowed in response to him.
Looking at his smiling face, she suddenly felt a strong sense of bitterness in her heart.
This is the separation of yin and yang. She was supposed to cherish life after being reborn, but now she feels caught in a dilemma and hesitates. This kind of life probably isn't what the master intended.
Suddenly realizing this, she decided not to dwell on so many worries. Whatever Zhong Xue and Ji Xun are, let them go to hell. In her previous life, she revolved around them; why should she continue to do so in this life?
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