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Cheng Mo Su held the seemingly ordinary notebook, its cover engraved with Van Gogh's sunflowers. Her Fingertips trembled slightly as she softly caressed the delicate cover, taking a deep breath before opening it.
The title page bore his strong and powerful handwriting, simply inscribed with the words, "Enter my thoughts of longing, know my pain of longing. Longing for a long time, remembering for a long time; short longing leads to endless suffering."
Her heart tightened painfully, a wave of dense hurt flooding her chest. Water Eyes quietly gazed at the small line in the corner, softly reading aloud, "I fear you will forget." Confused, she gently turned the title page, her pupils tightening slightly.
This was Shaoyi's diary, and the thin pages recorded his boundless affection. In Wu Yi Alley, she walked hand in hand with him, the smile hidden at the corners of her lips ready to emerge. At the racetrack, they rode together; the warmth of his palm during a moment of danger made her completely fall for him. A fleeting glance at the ball left an indelible mark on his heart, while their parting in the snow brought him lingering resentment.
And now, as the crows flew south and the music faded away, the flowers wilted and the path grew mottled. Those pure feelings from the past slowly dissipated with the wind and rain; what would remain unchanged forever? She loved the faint scent of smoke on him, while he cherished her gentle smile. Leaning against the window, with snowflakes falling softly, their past tenderness could only shine through black and white words on paper, allowing her to silently yearn in her heart.
The door slowly opened, and Ruan Yu looked at her indifferently, his narrow eyes radiating a cold light. She was crying again; tears streamed down her fair cheeks one by one. He paused for a moment before sitting beside her. She slowly closed the diary and lifted her tear-filled Water Eyes. He took her small hand in his palm and pressed it against his heart.
"Su Er, tell me what is written in this notebook?" His voice was particularly cold, yet his fingers were burning hot.
She lowered her beautifully shaped brows, a hint of calmness lingering on her Rose-Colored Lips, "It's nothing; just an ordinary notebook."
Her cautious demeanor made him furrow his brows tightly. The light in his narrow eyes dimmed from bright to dark as he felt a surge of anger rising in his chest that made him restless. He stared at her fiercely, his Lip Corners growing colder. "Tell me what this really is!"
When she remained silent, he showed a mocking expression and reached for the diary. Standing by the fireplace, he thought that if he let go even slightly, those memories that supported her through life would be burned to ashes by the flames; at that moment, she would have no earthly attachments left. Her face turned pale instantly as she reached out to snatch it back. He laughed harshly and casually pushed her down onto the bed behind them. Whether from pain or panic, tears flowed even more fiercely from her eyes, making it hard for him to bear looking at her.
"Is this notebook really that important to you?" His voice was indifferent but carried an invisible anger. Without needing to guess, he knew this was something Shangguan Shaoyi had given her. If it truly was a gift from Shen Deputy Officer, then why hadn’t it been presented when saying goodbye to Shangguan Family?
Cheng Mo Su's tears fell like rain as she choked out softly, "It means a lot to me; please give it back."
Ruan Yu raised an eyebrow and snorted, "You could clearly go back to him, so why don't you?"
She furrowed her beautiful brows, looking at the bright red carpet on the train, feeling that the glaring color caused her pain. Water pooled in her eyes, as if she had been completely drained of energy. He felt a pang of pity and softened his tone, asking again.
Only then did she come back to her senses and lightly parted her Rose-Colored Lips, "As you know, I misunderstood Shaoyi before, but now the misunderstanding has been cleared up. He thought I was dead, which is why he married Jiang Yating. But this outcome may not be bad; the Jiang family can assist the Shangguan Family, and uniting with the Jiang family can also prevent their schemes against him. Moreover, Jiang Yating is already pregnant; they are now a family, and I am just an outsider."
"What about me? What do you consider me?" Ruan Yu's gaze flickered intensely. He knew Cheng Mo Su had given up on Shaoyi, but was there even a slight chance that she might develop feelings for him?
She was taken aback, seemingly having never considered this question. Embracing her long, fair legs, she stared blankly at the fleeting scenery outside the window. The force of the wind and snow was not as cruel as before; snowflakes clung to the window, using their lives to emit a vast white light.
She looked up at him, her voice soft, "I... don't know."
He paused for a moment; his narrow Eyes grew as cold as the wind and snow outside. "Cheng Mo Su, I treat you this well sometimes makes me want to see what your heart is made of!"
Ignoring his words, she simply stared at the diary with a choked voice that carried a hint of pleading. "Ruan Yu, can you please give me back my notebook?"
He scoffed and said, "Give it back to you? Sure, kneel down and beg me, and I'll return it."
She bit her Rose-Colored Lips as tears fell heavily from her eyes. The tear stains marked her fair face, making her look pitiful and drenched in memories of past lives. No matter how proud or captivating she was, it no longer mattered; she didn't want to dwell on those illusory things but only wanted to cherish the beautiful memories she had with Shaoyi.
She raised her hand to wipe away her tears as if she had made up her mind. Her delicate white feet stepped onto the bright red carpet, knees slightly bending as she prepared to kneel straight down. He was startled and hurried to her side, wrapping his arms around her slender waist and stuffing the diary into her embrace.
"You really would give up your pride for him," he squeezed out through gritted teeth. "What about me? What am I! Since you love him so much, why are you following me? Is trampling on my heart amusing to you, Cheng Mo Su?"
Her water-colored eyes were calm and undisturbed as she gazed into his cold eyes. While others would shudder at his presence, she felt no fear, only a gentle smile. "Ruan Shaoshuai, don't worry. Once we reach the Northwest, I will find my own way to survive. Our fate together ends here."
"You!" Ruan Yu reached out and tightly grasped her frail shoulders, his narrow eyes filled with malice and determination. "Cheng Mo Su! What survival methods can a weak woman like you have? After all this time, don't you understand how I feel about you?"
"I understand, but I am not worthy of it." Her voice was soft, yet her tone carried a stubborn resolve.
"Alright! Very well!" Ruan Yu tightened his grip on her chin, forcing her to slightly part her rose-colored lips. He seized the fragrance between her lips and teeth, his gaze filled with fury as his voice lingered in her ear. "Cheng Mo Su, you are the first to dare trample on my heart like this!"
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