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墨書 Inktalez
Mental illness never develops in just a day or two. Perhaps he has been too angry and has endured me for too long during this period, which led to this buildup and eventual outburst.
However, when we were having our arguments, we did mention divorce, but he disagreed. As long as this marriage contract is not dissolved, even if I leave Haicheng, I will still carry the reputation of being his wife, and he won't be able to be with anyone else.
I couldn't think of a proper solution and had no one to turn to for help because no matter who I talked to, it would inevitably reveal Xiao Minxing's condition, which he didn't want and I didn't want to see either.
When I returned home, it was already close to evening, and unexpectedly saw Xiao Minxing there.
He was sitting on the living room sofa, watching television alone, and it was an entertainment program where the people inside were laughing uproariously, yet he remained expressionless.
He didn't move when he heard the doorbell; his eyes were focused on the screen, his body slightly leaning back against the sofa, with both hands resting at his sides, one hand even holding a phone.
I felt a deep pang in my heart; just seeing him like this made me want to cry even more. I couldn't accept the fact that I had harmed him.
After changing my shoes, I went upstairs to change clothes. When I came down, I went to the kitchen to cook.
In the kitchen, I could still hear the sound of the television outside, but Xiao Minxing remained silent as if there was no one in the living room at all, like someone had forgotten to turn off the TV.
When I had this suspicion, I would come out of the kitchen and deliberately glance at that spot. I saw that he hadn't changed his position at all; he was still sitting there with his eyes glued to the screen, only that the program had already changed.
After serving the food, I stood by the dining table hesitating for a moment. I wondered if calling him over would make him angry again. If I didn't call him, would he come over to eat by himself?
Sigh, it seemed that staying here really put me in a dilemma; either way could upset him and directly trigger his illness. How was that any different from harming him?
If loving someone ultimately only brings them pain and leads them into despair, then what use is that love?
The light in the room gradually dimmed. I stood by the dining table for several minutes before slowly moving to the living room. After watching an advertisement finish playing, I softly said to him, "It's time to eat."
He responded with an "mm," and after a while finally got up from the sofa without even looking at me as he walked towards the dining room.
I followed behind him and turned off the television before heading into the dining room.
He still sat in his usual spot and remained silent while eating.
He ate very seriously, as if he had never had such good food before. He finished most of the dishes on his plate and even had two bowls of rice.
It wasn't until he finished eating and stood up that I started to eat the leftovers. By that time, Xiao Minxing had already changed into a pair of casual shoes at the door and was preparing to go out.
From his appearance, it seemed he wasn't going to drive, so I quickly finished my meal and changed my shoes before running outside.
There was no sign of him in the yard; it looked like he had gone out the main gate.
In this area, besides the houses, there were also some deliberately built parks. Usually, in the evenings, you would see people walking inside. In fact, even walking along the road in the villa area is nice because there are very few cars, and almost every household has trees and flowers planted in front of their doors.
However, I rarely went out, and neither did Xiao Minxing. I hadn't thought much about it before, but now that I think about it, our marriage must be quite unfortunate; neither of us wanted to go out and face others. After all, those who walk outside are mostly couples or families.
The smiles on their faces indicated family happiness, while we had nothing to show off. Why would we want to let others see how unfortunate we were?
But today was different; today Xiao Minxing had gone out.
If it were any other day, I might have found it a bit strange that he went for a walk. But now that he was sick, I was always worried that he might faint again for no reason. Moreover, I felt that Lu Yiheng definitely hadn't told me the truth; how could a mental illness cause someone to faint?
I walked along the road for quite a distance. I didn't know if it was because I was going in the wrong direction or if Xiao Minxing was deliberately avoiding me, but I couldn't find him at all. Instead, I unexpectedly ran into Su Qian.
He was also dressed in casual clothes and wearing running shoes, strolling along the roadside.
When he saw me, he stopped first, smiling with beads of sweat on his forehead and said, "I can't believe I'd see you here! What brings you out for a walk?"
I smiled awkwardly at him and said, "I'm looking for Xiao Minxing. Did you see him coming from that direction?"
Su Qian glanced behind him and said, "Nope. But there are quite a few people over there; you might want to check it out."
I nodded at him without saying much more and continued walking along the path he had come from.
Su Qian continued jogging in his direction as well; we were just acquaintances nodding at each other.
This small park—if you could even call it a park—was more like a spot where they intentionally built a small bridge by the roadside. There were no walls; instead, flowers and plants were planted everywhere, along with two pavilions.
At this time, there were indeed quite a few people around, mostly residents nearby who came out for an evening stroll after dinner. Sometimes several families would gather together and chat casually for a while.
I didn't see Xiao Minxing among that group of people, and there are many paths here. I don't know which one he will take next, so I just stood by the water, lost in thought.
A little child, about four or five years old, was by the water with his parents. He picked up many small stones from around and threw them into the water one by one. When he saw the splashes, a smile appeared on his face.
His mom and dad stood together, still holding hands, watching him with smiles on their faces.
If my child were still here, he should be quite big by now, right? Perhaps he would be like a ball in my belly, but I wonder how he would grow up? Would Xiao Minxing like him?
Maybe not; it would only cause him more distress. I have never seen him show any affection towards children, let alone my child. Perhaps I escaped that time, but there will always be another chance.
It's fine without him; we would part ways cleanly. Otherwise, I would have to take care of the child and make a living at the same time. Wouldn't that be even harder? Most importantly, it would harm him—without a father, he would follow me with no hope for a better future.
Thinking about all this put me in a terrible mood. I shook my head vigorously to clear away the emotions of the past and present and stepped outside.
But at the corner, I saw Xiao Minxing.
He must have just returned from running; there were beads of sweat on his forehead, and his shirt was damp on the back and underarms. He looked deep in thought as he stared at me.
I didn't know what to say to him. Most importantly, I was afraid that I might anger him right from the start, so I held my breath as I passed by him.
As long as he is fine, it's best for me to leave quickly.
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