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"Two years later, when I accompanied my husband on his official assignment, I unexpectedly encountered my cousin, who was also serving in the same place. It was then that I learned he did not refuse to marry me; he simply wanted to wait two more years until he had achieved something before bringing me into his home. I had been willful and misheard his first words, not allowing him to finish. Truly, one misstep leads to a series of mistakes."
"If love doesn't tease you, then it's not real love," Xing Ruyi reflected, thinking about her relationship with the fox. She couldn't help but touch her nose and said, "Perhaps love captivates people because it doesn't happen when it should, it isn't held onto when it could be, and it isn't cherished when it ought to be."
"Has Ruyi ever been entangled by love?" Qing Luan raised her chin slightly, a bitter smile lingering at the corner of her mouth.
"Not in the past, but perhaps in the future; maybe I will be entangled by my love," Xing Ruyi shrugged and smiled lightly, though this smile was carefree and untainted.
"If only I had Ruyi's nonchalance back then, perhaps none of these events would have occurred," Qing Luan glanced at Infant and continued, "After parting with my cousin for two years, when we met again, I was already pregnant as Lady Liu, while he had become someone else's husband. Perhaps just like what Ruyi said earlier, love lingers because we fail to grasp it when we should, fail to obtain it when we could, or perhaps I am simply a selfish woman with a narrow heart. After that first meeting, my cousin and I should have let go of our feelings for each other and remained as innocent cousins. Yet, we allowed the devil in our hearts to grow; I began to regret why I had been so willful and why I had let my husband take my words seriously. My cousin also started to regret why he hadn't promised me; even if he married me, he could still achieve great things and do something for the people. Regret, resentment, and heartache grew like spring bamboo shoots—taller and taller—until our heart demons overcame our rationality, leading us to secretly meet."
"Meeting while you were six months pregnant?" Xing Ruyi gasped. Although she knew that the atmosphere in the Tang Dynasty was open-minded, hearing such words still made her sigh.
Qing Luan's face turned pale; she closed her eyes slightly and after a long pause said softly, "One reaps what one sows. Although my cousin and I did not do anything out of line, my child still perished. The doctor said it was due to my restless state of mind that caused the instability of the fetus. My husband thought I was worried about his assignment and felt guilty for many years."
"Sigh!" Xing Ruyi sighed deeply but did not interrupt because she understood that what Qing Luan was sharing was not the whole story.
"If losing the child was Old Man's reminder to me, then everything I face today is Old Man's punishment." Qing Luan gently shifted her body forward and slowly leaned down, gazing tenderly at the child. "After losing the child, I indeed mourned for several days but also felt unexpectedly relieved. I thought without the child's ties, I could leave my husband and be with my cousin again. But fate seemed to mock me; just as I went to meet my cousin full of hope to share this thought with him, he told me that his wife was pregnant. From now on, he wanted to be a qualified father and that our relationship would end here; from now on, we would only be simple cousins. How could this be? How could this be? For him, I lost my child; yet for another woman's unborn child, he wanted to sever ties with me. I went mad—I admit that at that moment I truly lost my mind—even though my heart was bleeding, my face somehow wore a smile. I agreed to my cousin's terms and concealed the news of my lost child while visiting him and his wife as someone who had been through it all. I even carefully selected many tonics for his wife but added a small amount of musk and safflower among them. One month passed, two months passed, three months passed—finally at five and a half months, those accumulated medicines took effect. Afterwards, I deliberately revealed the truth in front of his wife. My cousin was stunned; his wife went mad just like I did back then. She struggled out of bed trying to strangle me; in her panic, she knocked over the candle."
At this point, Qing Luan lifted her head and looked at Ah Xing still sitting on the stone bed: "That fire lasted three nights; my cousin's wife perished in the flames while he himself was left in this state—only I remained unharmed."
"Then what about this child..." Xing Ruyi pointed at the little one who had already opened its eyes and listened intently. She wondered whether this troublesome infant belonged to Qing Luan or was from Ah Xing's wife.
"After that incident, my cousin and I completely cut off contact until my husband received an imperial order summoning him back to Luoyang. It was from that time onward that I began having nightmares about a child drilling into my belly; at first he merely pretended to do so..."
Despite the calm language described by Qing Luan, Xing Ruyi could still see the fear on her face, even in her eyes. Just imagine, if every night you began to dream the same dream, where a strange infant crawled into your belly, such a scenario would send chills down anyone's spine. It's no wonder that Qing Luan had just said, "You reap what you sow; you cannot live."
Looking back now, it was remarkable that she had managed to endure for so long without going insane; her mental resilience was indeed strong.
"It was about a few days before my mother-in-law brought me medicine to drink that the child finally completely crawled into my belly. After waking up, I began to show signs of pregnancy. I thought that dream was an omen, indicating that I was going to have another child. But my father-in-law examined me, and the famous doctors in Luoyang were all called in to see me; they all said I was overly longing for a child and was experiencing a false pregnancy. That’s why my mother-in-law sought you out for medicine, Ruyi. But I knew it wasn’t an illusion because my belly kept getting bigger, and I started seeing my cousin's wife. That’s when I realized my retribution had come. The child that crawled into my belly is the one I caused to die; they are here to take revenge on me."
Qing Luan managed a bitter smile, tears falling from the corners of her eyes as she gently caressed the infant's tender cheek. Looking at his half-smiling mouth, she said, "I know you are here to take revenge on me. My cousin also suffered; the demonic fetus caused its mother’s death—this is a life for a life, and it is also a life exchanged for a life."
Qing Luan leaned down, picked up the child, and affectionately rubbed his cheek against hers. "No matter who you are, you are my child. If you want my life, I will give it to you!"
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