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墨書 Inktalez
I returned to my room.
I began to reminisce, trying to piece together the fragments of the past bit by bit.
What exactly happened during my second year of high school?
I only remember that summer vacation, when I experienced the most painful thing of my life.
I couldn't put it into words; I couldn't speak of it.
That memory flashed in my mind like shards, constantly appearing and disappearing.
Why?
Why can't I remember?
Why are the fragments in my memory always so disjointed?
Why did Han Weiting make me drink that glass of milk?
Why were Guo Liancheng and Xu Mingxing's appearances so unclear?
I couldn't help but laugh at myself: " Lin Nuannuan, are you really insane? No wonder Han Weiting's friends call you crazy."
I had no right to face Han Weiting.
I had lost the right to confront him.
I curled up on the bed and closed my eyes.
During that summer vacation in my second year of high school, one day, a few workers from a school came to ask me for directions to install air conditioning.
I told them how to get there, and suddenly one of them pulled me into the men's restroom.
I went through three hours of hell on earth.
I was pinned against the wall and burned with a cigarette butt.
I heard one of them say, "Han said as long as you don't kill her, you can do whatever you want."
I cried and begged them to let me go.
But they remained indifferent.
I was tortured beyond recognition.
In the end, I was thrown onto the school playground.
I lay on the cold ground, staring at the night sky, my heart deadened.
Later, I heard the police say that one of the perpetrators was a drug addict.
I laughed.
It was truly poetic justice.
During those days in the hospital, I cried every day. I looked at the scars on my body and at the ruined face in the mirror, and I really wanted to die. I couldn't face Han Weiting; I hoped he would abandon me, as I never wanted to see him again. I blamed everything on him, because only then could I convince myself to stop loving him. Only by turning him into the person who hurt me could I truly let go.
But I couldn't forget him. I really couldn't forget him. I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, my heart in turmoil. In my extreme sadness, tears blurred my vision, and I couldn't see the screen of my phone.
"Sis, why are you crying?" Xu Mingxing appeared beside me. I looked at him, wiped my tears, and smiled, "Little Star, it's you."
I knew this wasn't real. It was a figment of my imagination. I knew Han Weiting was gone. My medication had stopped. So Xu Mingxing appeared again.
I got up and walked over to the luggage left by Han Weiting, frantically searching through it. Xu Mingxing watched me and asked, "Sis, what are you looking for?"
I pulled out a leather notebook with " Nuannuan's Healing Diary " written on it. I froze. I opened the notebook, which recorded all my absurd delusions. Xu Mingxing's name was prominently listed.
I couldn't help but laugh. Han Weiting, how silly you are! As I laughed, my expression froze. Han Weiting, why are you so foolish? When did you start liking me? Was it during my episodes of delusion or even earlier?
I don't know.
But I know that you have always been there for me.
You have always made the best arrangements for me.
You took me to New Zealand, you introduced me to Xu Mingxing, and you showed me things in this world beyond darkness.
You let me see the light.
You let me see you.
Han Weiting, I love you.
I no longer avoid or hide.
I walk towards you and tell you my true feelings.
I have forgotten again.
I imagined Han Weiting as the person who bullied me back then.
Han Weiting feels helpless.
He is always imagined by me as various bad people, yet he wants to be my savior.
Han Weiting, looking pitiful, says, "When can I get a different role? I'm about to feel wronged to death."
"It should at least be a handsome and charming hero; how can I be a villain all the time?"
I can't help but laugh.
The therapy journal.
He has always been concerned about my illness.
I think this notebook must be what he uses to record my condition.
That silly guy.
Everything we went through together flashes through my mind like a movie.
From his self-blame to the misunderstandings between us, to our current closeness.
My emotions are complex—moved, guilty, and more than anything, filled with love for him.
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