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墨書 Inktalez
The bloody incident has dealt a heavy blow to my thoughts and brought some changes to my life. I don't know if these changes are good or bad for me, but they have definitely helped me grow a lot. I feel like I've suddenly become a grown man.
I can't accept that such a shooting could happen in a sacred place like a church. I once doubted if my faith was really a problem after I was dragged into the water by Old Yu. I joined the faith without fully understanding what it was all about, and at the time, I thought Old Yu was a good person, and I assumed that whatever a good person carried must also be good.
Since this incident, I feel that this faith is absurd, completely different from what they usually say, as if it's all a lie. But why do so many people still choose to believe? It's because they are powerless and can only place their hope in this matter. That was my understanding at the time.
What is worth affirming is that these devout believers have great compassion. Some people took the initiative to help the mother and child collect the bodies and comfort their spirits. What I cannot accept is why there was no miracle at the scene at that time. If there had been a miracle, it would have been such a beautiful thing.
Afterwards, I tried to inquire about the details of the matter from anyone, but the result was always the same - no one said anything, they kept their mouths shut tight.
I couldn't help it, so I went to talk to Old Yu about it again. He still had his usual attitude, not getting involved and advising me to stop my actions to avoid unnecessary trouble.
"Xiao Bei, I have told you before, you must remember my words. You must always understand your situation."
Yes, I understand. But what can I do? I hate my own cowardice and incompetence.
I have been waiting for Lisa all this time, but after she fainted and went home, she never appeared in my sight again. Time slipped away quietly, but she still didn't show up. Why is that!
Was she scared at the scene at that time? She must have been seriously ill when she got home. Or did something else happen at her home? If nothing happened, she shouldn't have not come to find me!
Several months have passed, and my heart feels empty. I have tried to find her by recalling the location of her home, but the strict guards at the entrance prevented me from getting close. When I approached them and asked, the only answer I got was that I was in the wrong place, and then they drove me away, asking me to leave the area.
They say that the end of a person is the beginning of redemption by Jesus. I just want to find back the happiness I had with Lisa, even if it means knowing that she is safe and sound, and everything is fine.
I picked up this constantly wavering faith again, praying desperately every day, hoping for a miracle to happen.
Several more months passed, until one night I had a dream...
"Xiao Bei, I can't come to see you anymore. As your friend, I feel inadequate. What happened that day really scared me, and I got sick when I got home.
My dad feels very guilty. He thinks it's his own fault. He told me that I was too idle, which is why I encountered such a thing. He's going to implement his plan early. He's going to send me to a very distant school that I don't even know about, to study quietly there."
I love studying, but I don't want to leave at this moment. I haven't said goodbye to you yet. However, my dad has given the order that I am not allowed to step out of the house until I leave for school. I am restricted in this way until I leave here.
Please forgive my sudden departure. Do you remember the handmade workshop we went to together? The people there liked me because I always brought them tickets, didn't I?
I think I will write a letter and send it there, so you can know about my news. Goodbye, my dear friend Xiao Bei!
"No, no, no... Lisa you can't leave me. I will become unhappy, not joyful after you leave. I don't want to lose such a good friend like you, I don't want to lose..."
I woke up startled.
"What's wrong, bad boy? Are you dreaming? Did you meet Lisa in your dream?" Elder Yu lit another cigarette and started smoking.
"I think I should make a decision!" Zhang Xiaobei said slowly.
"What a decision, child!"
"I want to leave here and find a new job!"
"What about leaving here and getting a new job? What kind of job do you want to switch to?"
"I can't be a waiter here for the rest of my life. I never even thought about becoming a pastor. I think you could do it! I want to learn a trade, develop skills, and do what I want to do!"
"What are you good at learning?"
"I want to learn a handicraft skill, making wooden toys! My concern is whether you, old man, want to go with me?"
"Oh, young man, you really know how to joke. I'm not so old that I need you to support myself! But is what you said feasible? You need to think it through!"
"It's feasible. I've already made up my mind!"
"Child, don't speak too openly, especially when you're out there. It's different from here. There aren't as many kind-hearted people, and everyone has their own motives. Sometimes, if you speak carelessly, others will take advantage of it and use it against you. So, you need to be careful of the people around you, analyze their personalities, and not easily reveal your true feelings.
There's a saying, 'Know yourself and know your enemy, and you will never be defeated in a hundred battles.' No one will teach you this much in the future!" Old Yu added calmly.
Zhang Xiaobei listened to Elder Yu's words and understood everything in his heart. Over the years, he had learned a lot from the old man, who was like a father to him. At this moment, he felt a bit reluctant, his nose tingling. Suddenly, he picked up the dry tobacco that the old man often smoked, lit one, and started to smoke...
This was his first time smoking. He didn't cough, nor did he show any greed, just quietly finished the cigarette...
"What does it feel like? I'm asking you, what does it feel like to smoke!"
Elder Yu didn't stop him from smoking, but instead watched quietly as he finished the whole cigarette, then asked him how it felt, which surprised him.
"I don't feel anything! I just want to experience this thing by watching you smoke."
"It's time to experience it. Many things and many situations require you to have the courage to try for the first time. I believe you can distinguish between good and bad. I'm getting old and a bit useless. Back in the day, I was forced into war, fighting on the battlefield with real guns and knives."
"Take some time to tell me about your past glory, I won't ask and you won't say!"
"Haha, what glory do I have? If you want to know about real heroes, true warriors, you should read more books and get your hands on some autobiographies of great heroes. It will be much more exciting than me telling stories!"
Unknowingly, we chatted for a long time and fell asleep without realizing it. The next day, it's a brand new day for me!
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